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Fanzone: Ask the Prof.

TODAY I am finding it hard to concentrate because people with scary faces will soon come to my house looking for money and free food. But that's enough about my in-laws' annual visit. I want to know what YOUR problem is. Until you write, here are some others' afflictions: Q. Since the latest pregnancy was announced my breasts have swelled and my tummy has felt bloated. I also get cravings for exotic food. This has affected my sporting interests as I find it hard to stand for long in the bookies Now the wife has demanded I give up the pub, kebab shop and betting to look after our six kids just because she's due any day. Should I tell her to stop being selfish? - Angus,Stornoway. A. NOT if you wish to retain the ability to father baby No. 8. Yet your symptoms perhaps show a subconscious willingness to share in the discomfort of your partner's condition. However, on showing your letter to my beloved she suggested she can help you share in the final stage by inserting a bowling ball in your erchie and withdrawing it with just a half pint of Charger lager as anaesthetic. I say keep schtum ... and open a phone account with your local bookie. Q. IN the past three months I've had athlete's foot, tennis elbow and housemaid's knee.Will I ever be fit enough to clean up as a sportsman? - Phil, Motherwell.

A. SORRY but the GP got your diagnosis mixed up. You have drinker's elbow, footman's knee, an athlete's house and you're now unfit enough to play Davis Cup tennis for Britain. Mal chance is French for nae luck!
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Title Annotation:Sport
Publication:Sunday Mail (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Oct 31, 2004
Words:278
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