Fanzone: Ask the Prof.
TODAY I am finding it hard to concentrate because people with scary
faces will soon come to my house looking for money and free food. But
that's enough about my in-laws' annual visit. I want to know
what YOUR problem is. Until you write, here are some others'
afflictions: Q. Since the latest pregnancy was announced my breasts have
swelled and my tummy has felt bloated. I also get cravings for exotic
food. This has affected my sporting interests as I find it hard to stand
for long in the bookies Now the wife has demanded I give up the pub,
kebab shop and betting to look after our six kids just because
she's due any day. Should I tell her to stop being selfish? -
Angus,Stornoway. A. NOT if you wish to retain the ability to father baby
No. 8. Yet your symptoms perhaps show a subconscious willingness to
share in the discomfort of your partner's condition. However, on
showing your letter to my beloved she suggested she can help you share
in the final stage by inserting a bowling ball in your erchie and
withdrawing it with just a half pint of Charger lager as anaesthetic. I
say keep schtum ... and open a phone account with your local bookie. Q.
IN the past three months I've had athlete's foot, tennis elbow and housemaid's knee.Will I ever be fit enough to clean up as a
sportsman? - Phil, Motherwell.
A. SORRY but the GP got your diagnosis mixed up. You have
drinker's elbow, footman's knee, an athlete's house and
you're now unfit enough to play Davis Cup tennis for Britain. Mal
chance is French for nae luck!