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Fanzone: Ask the Prof.

APOLOGIES to you my loyal clients but I can spend but a sparse amount of time on solving your problems because I have been given the homer of all homers to sort out a clubload of crises in the district of Glasgow that is called Govan.

But the man who provides the stuffed brown envelopes for my pocket gave me two minutes off to listen to your woes.So with the kind permission of Mr David, here goes: Q: Can you help me sort out my new partner John? He pushes and shoves but won't do what I want him to do,and that is to work his very big butt off. I'm new to this cold, cold country where everyone just kicks the legs instead of the ball. Why can't John learn to run like my other friend Henri? - - Wee Man, Parkhead. A: am sorry my tiny friend but many before you have tried to get John up to speed. Even my professorial abilities can't cure his addiction to pies and Welsh rarebit. Just wait till January when you can send him to Coventry. Or Charlton.

Q: My dream is to win gold at the Olympics but I can't decide what sport to take up. Any ideas? - Effy, Edinburgh.

A: Cycling on roads can be attempted suicide while rowing boats and Yngling yachts are a bit dear, dear. But my pal Denzil can help you emulate Kelly Holmes. You'll run a mile when you see him, dear.
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Title Annotation:Sport
Publication:Sunday Mail (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Sep 26, 2004
Words:248
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