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Extracts from To Be Or Not To Be, Innit.

Amlet, Prince of Denmark

Dere was somefing minging in de State of Denmark which was making Amlet all uncool. First, his Uncle Claudius had married his muvva, de main bitch Queen Gertrude. Then de Norwegian Fortinbras massive was freatening to invade de Danish turf and finally, and quite unexpectedly, de rank ghost of his nutty farva was spooking de crap out of him. De minging ghost told Amlet he was poisoned by Claudius and wanted him to do somefing about it. Amlet said "Aiii," and reckoned de best way was to pretend to go all loony toons to make everyone fink he was barking, including Ophelia, de fit bitch he wanted to be all jiggy jiggy with.

Jools Caesar

Jools Caesar was de man with de plan in de Roman massive, who was getting maximum respect for mashing de minging Gauls and de Pompey warriors. Even his bro Mark Antney fought he was de main man, but not everyone was so cool with Jools. De senators, for instance, didn't like de way he'd been larging it and was being so wicked with everyone. They weren't happy with him bossing de turf like he owned it and they was desperate to do somefing about it.


Macbeff and Banquo were two bruvvas from de hood and part of de well wicked King Duncan massive. They hung togevva and were always getting maximum respect from all de boyz in de ghetto. All was well in de home turf until one day after they mashed de Thane of Cawdor, they encountered three rank witches who gave them de heavy prophecy. De three mingers hailed Macbeff as Thane of Glamis, de next Thane of Cawdor, and de future main King geeza. So you could say that as far as prophecies went, it was well wicked for Macbeff.

Richard de Fird

Richard's got issues.

Although he was already de Duke of Gloucester, he was not happy coz what he wanted more than anyfing was to be de King of all England. Dere was already two reasons why de King fing had not happened.
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Publication:The Birmingham Post (England)
Date:Apr 26, 2008
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