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Everybody sing along.

Byline: Will Batchelor

CHRISTMAS is supposedly a time for children, so what could be more childish than subverting traditional carol lyrics?

Feel free to sing these versions in church on Sunday morning - but don't tell the vicar where you read them.

Oh little town of Liverpool, How still we see thee lie. No car or bus gets anywhere, "Thank the Big Dig!", you cry. Did they really think it cle-e-e-e-ver To do it all at once?

It makes me think the council are A proper bunch of... idiots.

Once in Si-ir David's city, Stood a lowly cattle shed. We were hoping for a Fourth Grace, But this shack will have to do instead. I know it's a bit of a state, But at least it will be built by '08.

The Storey and the Henshaw, Their row was fully blown. The next time he wants to slag someone off, Mikey ought to use the phone.

I saw three buses driving in, On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day. But where's the tram? It's in the bin, On Christmas Day in the morning.

We three Graces of Liverpool are, Visible while you're stuck in your car.

Switch off the engine, Unwrap a Penguin, You are not going far. O-oh star of wonder, star of light, The Big Dig's a load of sh**e. Traffic's heaving, spend the evening Sitting in your car tonight.
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Liverpool Echo (Liverpool, England)
Date:Dec 22, 2005
Words:231
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