Printer Friendly

Dr Vernon's Casebook: I don't want threesomes to carry on when we're wed.

Byline: Vernon Coleman

QFOR nine months now I've been going out with a beautiful girl I met in a club. It is, I admit, a pretty unusual relationship. On Friday and Saturday nights we usually end up having a threesome with men she's picked up in a club.

But I have now realised that I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman and after one of our weekend sessions I asked her to marry me.

She has accepted but I don't want to share her any more. I have asked her to stop picking up other men and commit herself just to me. But she doesn't want to and still wants me to go along with the arrangement we have had.

Do you think I can persuade her to stop?

AI'M sorry to be a party pooper but I think you should put your marriage plans on hold.

Your relationship with this woman is heading for a wall - with a big crash and a lot of damage inevitable. Your feelings for the woman who is now your fiancee have clearly developed. You want a permanent, monogamous relationship. But she still sees the relationship as a source of fun - a means to an end rather than an end in itself.

If you carry on as you are, you will become jealous and resentful. She will be aggrieved as she feels that you are trying to control her life and limit her freedom.

One of you is going to have to give way - and be happy about it - before this marriage will work.

QAT Christmas I sent presents to eight grandchildren. Only one of them bothered to send me a thank you note. This happens every year. I know I shouldn't be upset but I am.

AYOU'RE quite right to be upset. But there is a simple solution. Next year just send a present to the grandchild who took the trouble to send a note. Forget the seven rude urchins.

You'll be doing them a favour. They'll learn a crucial lesson that their parents should have taught them.

QWHAT exactly do social workers do? I have met dozens over the years and I have never found one I could trust.

AMY special correspondent Matt E Mulchen tells me that there are three million social workers in Britain and that they breed faster than cockroaches.

They are all very well paid (the average salary is at least pounds 487,000) and work three hours every week with 18 weeks holiday a year. If you call sitting around drinking tea "work".

QI AM a serving police officer. I object strongly to your attacks on the police force. You will be in big trouble if you continue in this vein.

ATHE only letters I ever get defending the police come from policemen. But I am constantly inundated with mail from ordinary, respectable members of the public who loathe, detest, distrust or hate the police.

The police have a big problem. Their public image is well below that of estate agents. That's bad. And it won't get better by itself. Policemen who care about the future of the force should support my campaign to make the police remember that they are employed to protect the public - not to harass or intimidate them.

QI HEARD that a leading politician has suggested the children's game musical chairs should be banned because it isn't fair - and only the fastest, toughest children win.

AI WAS on a train when I first read about this. I laughed so much that the Welsh Princess thought I was having some sort of attack. The NHS is a deathly shambles. Crime rates and prices are rising. Our transport policy is an absolute joke. And this Government wants to ban musical chairs. It's like something out of Alice In Wonderland. Actually, I think musical chairs is an excellent training for life.

QI HAVE been taking Distalgesic for years. My doctor always insists it's a perfectly safe drug and that taking it can't possibly do me any harm - however long I take it and however many pills I take. But I'm concerned.

AYOUR doctor is a buffoon and I wouldn't trust her to clean my shoes. For information about Distalgesic use the faxback line listed below.

Faxback calls cost 75p per minute at all times. Maybe it would be wise to show the fax to your doctor to help educate her.

QBOTH my girlfriend and I are keen on puppetry. We also love hiking and Scottish country dancing.

Friends say our relationship won't last because we are too alike. Are they right?

AHAPPINESS can be found in many places. There is no reason why it should not be found when two people have matching idiosyncrasies.

QWHY do TV cookery programmes and magazines run recipes for meat dishes? I saw a recipe for "the perfect leg of lamb" the other day.

Don't these celebrity chefs realise that in order to serve a leg of lamb you have to slaughter a young, innocent animal?

AI FEAR some celebrity chefs aren't intelligent enough to realise meat is cut out of bits of dead animal.

They probably think "legs of lamb" are grown like ears of corn or bunches of rhubarb.

The perfect leg of lamb is one of four holding up the original and only owner - a healthy lamb.

QDO you think that identity cards will ever be introduced in the UK?

AI'VE no doubt identity cards will be introduced before long. The Labour Party will insist such cards are voluntary.

But they will make them essential for anyone wishing to have a national insurance number or to hold a driving licence.

The next step will be subcutaneous microchips - the 21st century version of Nazi tattoos.QI HAD a terrible experience last Saturday. A girl I met in a club took me back to her flat but when we got into bed I couldn't do anything. Nothing like it has ever happened to me before. I felt humiliated.

AHAD you been drinking heavily? Did you feel guilty because you were being unfaithful to a steady partner? Did you really want to impress this girl with your sexual prowess? Were you simply exhausted?

For information about the causes of impotence and advice on ways to deal with the problem (c)ring my advice line on 0901 560 7858 (calls cost 60p per minute).
COPYRIGHT 2002 MGN LTD
No portion of this article can be reproduced without the express written permission from the copyright holder.
Copyright 2002 Gale, Cengage Learning. All rights reserved.

Article Details
Printer friendly Cite/link Email Feedback
Title Annotation:Features
Publication:The People (London, England)
Date:Jan 20, 2002
Words:1067
Previous Article:Dr Vernon's Casebook: DRUGS - THE REAL FAX.
Next Article:Dr Vernon's Casebook: Profit is healthy for our old folk; COMMENT.

Terms of use | Privacy policy | Copyright © 2019 Farlex, Inc. | Feedback | For webmasters