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Dr Vernon's Casebook: How can I convince my worried wife I love her?

Byline: Vernon Coleman

-THANKS for all your letters but I'm afraid I receive so much mail I cannot send ANY personal replies. Send your questions to: Dr Vernon Coleman, PO Box 30, Barnstaple, Devon EX32 9YU. Or send a letter via my website www.vernoncoleman.com which also contains free books, information and surveys.QI AM 22, female, blonde and love going to clubs with my girlfriend. We dress in sexy clothes, dance together and play a game to see how many men chat us up. If they get too pushy we tell them that we're lesbians.

Last Saturday we told a crowd of blokes that and kissed a bit to make it look convincing. They wanted to watch us to go a bit further and offered us pounds 100.

We chickened out, but I enjoyed kissing my girlfriend and am sure she was turned on, too. We've agreed to do the same trick again - and go though with it.

ACONGRATULATIONS on moving into showbusiness. Since you will presumably be showing quite a lot, you will be entering the business at a very high level.

I wish you well and look forward to seeing you on Channel 4 in the near future.

But take care. It might be wise to take along a minder who can ensure members of the audience don't decide to join in.

QMY wife worries a lot. She is convinced she isn't beautiful. She is. She worries I don't love her. I do. And she constantly gets upset about things which may or may not happen in the future. I love her very much and am desperate to help her worry less.

ATELL your wife she's beautiful, that you love her and that everything is going to be OK. Then, tomorrow, tell her that you love her, she is beautiful, and that everything is going to be OK. The day after that tell her everything is going to be OK, that she is beautiful and that you love her. Then start again.

She will continue to worry about these things. But day by day your love and reassurance will begin to batter at her fears. She will probably always be uncertain, nervous and anxious. But show her your love, both in what you do and what you say, and you will help her deal with her uncertainties.

In the long run true love will always defeat demons however threatening they appear and however much they may huff and puff.

QI'M desperate to become an airline stewardess. I think it is the most romantic job in the world. What should I do?

AWHY anyone would want to work as a waiter or waitress on an aeroplane is quite beyond me. It's a low-reward, high-risk job. The risk of acquiring an infection is sky high - airlines recirculate contaminated air to save money.

And there is always the added excitement of the prospect of a sudden death. Why not apply to become a waitress at a corner cafe? Keep your feet on the ground. You'll be healthier, happier, safer and better fed. And you're more likely to get tips, too.

QI HAVE just found out that my girlfriend works as a sex surrogate. What is the difference between a sex surrogate and a prostitute?

AA SEX surrogate has sex with strangers and gets paid for it. A prostitute, on the other hand, gets paid for having sex with strangers. Both can often rightly claim that they help comfort the lonely, brighten the lives of the inadequate and satisfy the previously unsatisfied. They can, therefore, justifiably describe themselves as healing arts practitioners.

QWHY do you oppose fox hunting so strongly? Surely it's no bad thing to try to keep the fox population down. After all, foxes are scavengers who go around raiding dustbins and killing sheep.

AFOXES are noble, loving animals, much maligned by the brutal uncaring humans who enjoy killing them. Our wretched Government claims it's all OK because although hunting "seriously compromises the welfare of the fox" there is a lack of scientific evidence showing the effect it has.

What sort of people need scientific evidence to tell them that a fox suffers when hunted?

The good news is that those of us opposed to hunting only have to win the battle against this barbaric activity once. Hunting is such a nasty, inexplicable activity that once it is banned no one will ever suggest making it legal again.

QWHAT'S wrong with Britons these days? We let ourselves get pushed around by politicians and lawyers who have only their own interests at heart and although most of us complain about the way we're treated no one seems to care enough to do anything about it.

ATOO many people are apathetic, defeatist, resentful, hopeless, prejudiced and bigoted. Moaning and whingeing have become favourite British pastimes.

Too many people think that sneering at those who are trying to make a difference is making a difference. It isn't.

For decades I have fought for a number of causes close to my heart and have grown accustomed to being abused and stabbed in the back by people who claim they are on my side but are, in fact, only on their own.

QI AM 50 years old and over the last couple of months I've been suffering from terrible indigestion. Is this something I should be worried about? I don't like to bother my doctor as he's always very busy.

ABOTHER your doctor. That's what he's there for. Your indigestion may be exactly that - and your doctor may be able to eradicate your symptoms in days.

But if the problem is more serious, he will be able to deal with it far more effectively if you go now than if you wait.

QI HATE computers. They make me feel very inferior.

ARELAX. The fastest computer on earth has a brain roughly equivalent to that of an earthworm. Besides, computers are merely a medium. It is only ever the message which matters. The computer experts are too stupid to realise this.

QEVERYONE I know is taking pills from the doctor. It is hardly surprising that the NHS doesn't have money to spend on hiring nurses or building hospitals.

ATHE world prescription drug market is worth pounds 124 billion and drugs in Britain cost more than anywhere else - largely because the government allows drug companies to use the NHS as a cash machine.

Most drug companies regard profits of 30 per cent (after all taxes and expenses) as representing a poor year's work.

Guide to give your life more meaning

COMMENT

HAVE you noticed that every small company seems to have a mission statement? Even the corner sandwich shop has one.

Having a mission sounds corny. And many of the commercial ones are trite, pretentious and false - born out of commercial expediency.

But there is good sense in having your own mission statement: personal guidelines to help you navigate life's rock-strewn ways.

Simply earning a living isn't a reason enough to get up and go to work.

And keeping up with the dull, predictable antics of TV soap characters isn't the sort of driving purpose to give your life real meaning.

Most people spend their lives being battered around by circumstances; rarely, if ever, in control of their own lives or destinies.

Time and effort is wasted collecting material stuff with no lasting worth and providing little more than transient satisfaction.

To have a sense of worth, identity and genuine self-esteem you must identify what is important to you. What you'd die for? What do you live for?

What do you want to achieve with your life?

Do you want to be remembered for what you are doing with your life now? If you die tomorrow, will you have made full use of your talents?

How long is it since you asked searching questions about what you really stand for?

How much of your life do you fritter away, while really important things - the things which will make a difference to you and to other people - are put to one side and eventually forgotten?

Next week I'll explain how you can give your life solid principles and a mission to ensure that you always know exactly where you are heading and why.

I'll explain how you can take back control of your life. And I'll give you Vernon's Ten Suggestions for a meaningful life.

HELPLINES

FOR private and confidential advice - day or night - phone my advice lines:

-Can anxiety and depression be controlled without drugs?

0901 560 7851

-How to make sex better

0901 560 7852

-Solutions for women with sex problems

0901 560 7853

-Irritable Bowel Syndrome

0901 560 7857

-Oral sex - advice for women

0901 560 7860

-Oral sex - advice for men

0901 560 7861

-Impotence

0901 560 7858

-Best positions for sex

0901 560 7862

-Premature ejaculation

0901 560 7863

-How to relax your body

0901 560 7864

-How to relax your mind

0901 560 7865

-Lose weight without dieting

0901 560 7866

-How to stop smoking forever

0901 560 7867

-Can high blood pressure be treated without drugs?

0901 560 7856

-How to make a large penis seem smaller

0901 560 7868

-Is it big enough?

0901 560 7869

-Are vitamin supplements worth it?

0901 560 7870

-Penis size

0901 560 7871

-Forbidden sex

0901 560 7854

-Masturbation

0901 560 7859

Calls cost 60p per min, UK only.

HEALTH MEMO

IF you know how to take advantage of your body's amazing self-healing skills, you can conquer nine out of 10 illnesses without seeing a doctor or taking drugs!

By using your body's hidden powers you can keep yourself healthy. And you can heal yourself when you are sick.

You can even use your body's appetite control centre to help you to stay slim for life!

My book Bodypower tells you how to make the best of your body. It's a sort of owner's manual for human beings.

In addition, the book also explains how your personality affects the sort of illness you are most likely to suffer from.

And the book tells you how to relax your body and your mind, how to break bad habits and even how to improve your shape!

It is published by the European Medical Journal at pounds 9.95 and has been a bestseller since the early 1980s.

Readers of the Good Book Guide chose it as one of the top 100 books of the last 20 years.

If you want to know how your body can deal with nine out of 10 illnesses without pills, you can save pounds 2 on a copy of Bodypower and get the book sent to you at your home POST FREE.

To get your personal copy of Bodypower - and save pounds 2 on the published price - just send your name and address together with a cheque or postal order (made payable to EMJ Books) for pounds 7.95, to: Dr Vernon Coleman's Bodypower Offer, PO Box 30, Barnstaple, Devon EX32 9YU.

STRANGE BUT TRUE

-EIGHT out of 10 women say they'd prefer quickie sex to a marathon session.

-THIRTY times as much computer data is lost by accidental wiping out than because of viruses.

-WHEN asked if he had a clean driving licence a man replied: "Of course. I keep it in a plastic wallet."

-IN Britain it is illegal for a woman to eat chocolates on a bus or train.

I AM convinced digestion is the great secret of life.

- Cleric Sydney SmithTHINGS THEY SAY
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:The People (London, England)
Date:Dec 24, 2000
Words:1918
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