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Down the tube: Bra-vo, reality bites Brookie.

Byline: Ian Hyland

AT last! A believable plot on Brookside (Channel 4, Friday) No, not Bev asking camp barman Lance to father her child which is plainly ridiculous - he's so fey he can barely stand up never mind you-know-what. I'm talking about Emily Shadwick's dreams of topless stardom.

Anyone who saw Jennifer Ellison (left) at last year's Soap Awards knows how realistic that is.

HOOKED on Crimewatch Daily (BBC1, erm, daily) but only to see presenter Phil Gayle's latest fashion crimes. That green shirt he keeps wearing is so loud I can watch with the sound off.

And I love his co-host Jane Moore's missing persons file. Beats finding out about them on the back of an empty milk carton. Just about.

THANKS to everyone who e-mailed venting spleen at my inability to come up with an offal gag in the Adrian Mole review last week.

Just for the pair of you here goes; Adrian has now become an offal chef in a fancy restuarant - I didn't think he was that bad a cook myself.

I'll never liver that one down, will I?

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LOUD: Phil Gayle
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Sunday Mirror (London, England)
Date:Feb 11, 2001
Words:188
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