Dear MIRIAM: THAT'S MY BOY?
Dear Miriam WHEN I was 19, I had a onenight stand with a girl who had a reputation for sleeping around. I didn't think any more about it, or her. It was just sex. But now, 12 years later, she has tracked me down and dropped the bombshell I have a son.
There were so many contenders for making her pregnant, my first reaction was disbelief but she showed me a photograph and I must admit the boy looks a lot like me at that age. He wants to meet his real dad. Should I agree?
JUST because she believes it, and he bears a resemblance, it doesn't mean you're the dad. A DNA test for you and the boy is a mandatory first step. Everything else should wait until that's resolved. Otherwise you could build up expectations over a misunderstanding.
Use the waiting time to think very hard about what you will do if he is your son. How much, or how little, contact would you want?
Don't go messing him up out of your own curiosity or emotional needs. At all times keep in mind that, even if he was conceived as the result of a one-night stand, the best interests of the child come before your own.