Dear MIRIAM: A LEOPARD doesn't change; YOUR VERDICT.
A LEOPARD doesn't change its spots and your selfish husband will not change his ways.
I know he has treated you and the children badly but, in a way, you have let him. Have you ever given him his marching orders? I doubt it. So you have made it easy for him to ride roughshod over you.
As a result, you think of yourself as a victim. You'll have to shake yourself out of that to put things right. Instead, think of yourself as your children's saviour. Take action for them and leave.