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Dear Jo: Readers Letters.

DEAD RINGERS DOUBLE HEADERTHIS is a holiday snap of my daughter Lynsey. She is sometimes mistaken for the All Saints girl, Natalie Appleton.

M Rosin, Holloway Head, Birmingham

ALL our family and friends call my husband William "Alf" after TV's Alf Garnett. They think he looks just like the character made famous by actor Warren Mitchell. He doesn't know I've sent this in!

E Butler, Kingsway, ManchesterA real rib-ticklerADAM was walking round the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked what was wrong. Adam told him, and God promised to make him a companion - a woman.

He said: "She will gather food and cook, she will make clothing and wash it for you, and she will agree with all you say. She will bear you children and never expect you to get up in the night to care for them.

"She will not nag you, and will always be first to admit she was wrong. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion."

Adam asked God: "What will a woman like this cost?" God replied: "An arm and a leg." Adam then asked: "What can I get for a rib?" The rest is history.

A Bell, YorkCourt short by Fergie..MANCHESTER United's Alex Ferguson was cleared of a traffic offence after claiming severe diarrhoea forced him to break the law (The Mirror, Oct 6).

To get off this lightly, he must have verbal diarrhoea as well.

Michael Rolt Cramlington Northumberland

IN Alex Ferguson's case, it's not what you know, but who you are. An ordinary motorist would have been heavily fined.

W Harrison Whitehaven, CumbriaA FINE WAY FORWARDA pounds 5 FINE on anyone who drops litter. That's the way to make Britain, like Europe, clean by the year 2000.

Christine Silko Wigan, Lancs

A MAN goes to the barber's and asks how much a haircut is. The barber says pounds 4.

Then he asks how much a shave would be. The barber says pounds 1.50.

The man says: "Shave my head, please."

G Roberts

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Copyright 1999 Gale, Cengage Learning. All rights reserved.

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Title Annotation:Features
Author:Dipple, Jo
Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:Oct 8, 1999
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