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Dear BBC.

I recently received a letter from you. Every two years or so I get one. This one suggested that there was an urgent requirement to address the problem of my lack of a TV licence.

I am sorry, but after 25 or more years I still do not have a licence, and now I have run out of patience. I understand your need to ensure that people who have a TV should have a licence for it, but as someone who has been without a TV or the need for a TV for a half of their lifetime I think it's time you cut me some slack. I think this and the tone of your letter, and threats of visits, and suggestion that in some way I am a liar is what finally got my goat. (I do not actually have a goat either.

This is an expression in common usage, although even if I did have a goat I do not believe I would require a licence for it.) It's not that I hate the BBC. I love Radio 4 with a passion. I have listened to the radio all my working life, but was given to understand that one does not require a licence for the radio now.

Here is a list of other licences I do not hold: Amusement permit (Northern Ireland) Apply for a list of deaths registered in the UK Apply for a performance licence Approval for a centre to offer qualifications (Scotland) Art therapist registration Become a Green Deal business Check if you need an environmental permit File your Machine Games Duty return Food premises approval (England) Food premises approval (Northern Ireland) Food premises approval (Scotland) Food premises approval ( Wales) Get a licence for a burial at sea in England (I think I might require one of these at some time, but hopefully not for a while). House in multiple occupation licence House in multiple occupation licence (Scotland) House-to-house charitable collections licence (Northern Ireland) House-to-house collection licence (England and Wales) Licence Finder Licence to possess or sell drug precursor chemicals Music licence for theatrical productions Poisons licence - Hmmmm tempting.

Register a house in multiple occupation (Northern Ireland) Register or renew as a waste carrier, broker or dealer (England) Road occupation licence (Scotland) Road occupation licence for building work (England and Wales) Scrap metal dealer licence (England and Wales) Skip licence (England and Wales) Skip licence (Scotland) Slaughterman licence (Northern Ireland) (See above poisons licence...) Street collection licence (England& Wales) Temporary Events Notice (England and Wales) I am sure there are many more. I do not have a wild animal licence, or maybe that is a permit? although I do have a tiger.

Neither do I have a licence to practise medicine, dentistry, law. I do not have a licence to board animals, although several seem to live here. Not working for MI5 I do not have a licence to kill. I do have a driving licence, however. And I am hoping to acquire a pedlar's licence in the near future to peddle books in towns where there are no bookshops.

None of the other boards who administer the above licences has ever written to me threatening to enter my home to discover whether I have in fact, eg been practising art therapy without a licence or serving food to paying guests. Oh, and I don't have a TV aerial either, though I do have a very beautiful weather vane designed by Karen of Greensvanes. It draws dreams to my house.

Why don't I have a TV or a TV licence? Because I read books.

Yours insincerely, Jackie Morris
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Publication:Western Mail (Cardiff, Wales)
Geographic Code:4EUUK
Date:May 1, 2015
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