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DOING BIRD; As Lindsay Lohan prepares to serve her 90 days' jail, we reveal what she could be Tweeting from behind bars..

Byline: POLLY HUDSON

ONE of the harshest, most unfair things about going to jail is that you can't take your phone with you.

Nobody will be more affected by this than Lindsay Lohan, who lives to Tweet (among other things... ie the reasons she's being banged up in the first place, like drinking, and driving, and violating her probation).

But, luckily for us all, this doesn't mean Linds will be silent while she's serving time in prison in LA.

She starts her 90-day sentence today under constant scrutiny but, using my handy twin skills of telepathy and time travel, I bring you Lindsay Lohan's Prison Tweets... An ORANGE jumpsuit? Seriously? With my colouring? SOMEBODY GET ME MY AGENT. NOW #totalinfringementofhumanrights 1 minute after imprisonment Been subjected to indignity of strip search. No idea how that bottle of vodka got up there, no matter what they suggest. 5 minutes after imprisonment Inmates too shy to speak to me, prob awed by presence of true artist. One pointed at throat and slid finger across - obv likes my necklace #proudtobeme 1 hour after imprisonment Realised am setting such a good example by accepting punishment and doing my time. Am now basically my generation's Mandela. 3 hours after imprisonment @samantharonson WHERE ARE YOU? WHO ARE YOU WITH? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY HAVEN'T YOU TWEETED ME YET? DO YOU MISS ME? XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXX 10 hours after imprisonment @samantharonson WHY HAVEN'T YOU REPLIED YET? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME ALREADY? I HATE YOU! I LOVE YOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING AND WHO WITH? 10 hours, 1 minute after imprisonment Anyone know if paint is really 90% proof? Cellmate (who is totally hot btw @samantharonson) says I can get buzz if sniff wall for few hours. 1 day after imprisonment Feels like I'm being watched 24 hours a day. These guards (who are all totally hot btw @samantharonson) cannot take their eyes off me. 1 day, 1 hour after imprisonment Why hasn't anyone sent a cake with a file in yet? My nails are a total state. 1 day, 2 hours after imprisonment Am sure all my mail being censored - not one movie offer reached me so far. Idea for blockbuster sequel to original: Mean Jail Girls. 1 day, 12 hours after imprisonment Malcolm X: "I knew right there in prison that reading had changed forever the course of my life." That is sooooooooooooooooooo true! #OK!magazinejustarrived 2 days after imprisonment Feeling creative today! Random idea for reality show: Judge sentences poor girl to time in jail, but instead judge goes to jail and girl becomes judge! #surefireratingswinner 3 days after imprisonment @samantharonson sent you 412 visiting orders but they must not be getting to you. Miss you. WHERE ARE YOU? WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? ANY GIRLS? 4 days after imprisonment Finally at long last I understand why judge did this to me. Being in prison, alone with my thoughts, has taught me a valuable lesson... 1 week after imprisonment .... being out of limelight for while totally increases public interest! Googled myself and never been hotter property! Plan to come here twice a year from now on! 1 week, 25 seconds after imprisonment

CAPTION(S):

CRAMPED J She will share a small 12ft by 8ft cell JAILHOUSE J Where Lindsay is to serve her time BARS JHow Linds might look
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Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:Jul 20, 2010
Words:559
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