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 PORTLAND, Ore., May 27 /PRNewswire/ -- Here's a quick way to get a pretty good idea just how fulfilling your primary relationship is, according to author, Dr. Eric Allenbaugh.
 Simply rate yourself on the basis of this checklist from Allenbaugh's book, "WAKE-UP CALLS: You Don't have to Sleepwalk Through Your Life, Love or Career!" ($18.95 Discovery Publications).
 To what extent do you experience: Low High
 1. Intimacy, closeness, connectedness? 1 2 3 4 5
 2. Vitality, aliveness? 1 2 3 4 5
 3. Open, honest, caring communication? 1 2 3 4 5
 4. Safety to be "who I am," acceptance? 1 2 3 4 5
 5. Sexual fulfillment? 1 2 3 4 5
 6. Ability to grow and develop? 1 2 3 4 5
 7. Support for individual interests? 1 2 3 4 5
 8. Playing and having fun together? 1 2 3 4 5
 9. Similar life goals and values? 1 2 3 4 5
 10. Financial peace of mind? 1 2 3 4 5
 While most seek joy and fulfillment in their relationships, many actually experience a gap between what is and what could be. How about you? If you scored 35 or fewer points, you have some important relationship work to do! Many couples end up "settling for" or giving up on their relationship. It doesn't have to be that way.
 If you do not pay attention to that which requires attention, you will likely receive a "wake-up call." It may come in the form as mild as relationship tension, closing down of communication, or pulling away sexually. Or you might experience the "cosmic lightning bolt" wake-up call such as a divorce, separation or even an affair.
 It's your choice how you respond to your relationship wake-up calls. You can hit your internal "snooze alarm" and keep on sleepwalking, or you can use wake-up calls as an opportunity to open communication and address that which requires attention. "Shovel while the piles are small," recommends Allenbaugh.
 For relationships to grow, couples need to be on "speaking terms" regarding what they want to create, celebrating what is going well and learning how to work through issues requiring attention. Do you know what you want to create in your relationship? Are you openly communicating about the gap?
 Caring straight talk requires both the courage to speak your truth (what you are thinking, feeling and wanting) and the safety for your partner to speak their truth. Active listening is one of the highest forms of giving in a relationship. The magic combination of communication courage and safety is the difference that makes the difference in building quality relationships.
 What is the worst that could happen if you addressed the issues that require attention in your primary relationship? If you cannot handle the worst, then be sure to seek the services of a qualified counselor to assist with this important process. What is the best that could happen if you addressed these relationship issues? What would happen if you did not address these issues at all? If the long-term costs of not addressing your relationship issues are greater than the costs of dealing with these issues, then you might want to take action.
 While it takes two to make a relationship, it takes only one to change it. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to get the results you are seeking? Are you prepared to have your relationship "hum?"
 "WAKE-UP CALLS: You Don't Have to Sleepwalk Through Your Life, Love or Career!," $18.95, Discovery Publications, is available at most retail bookstores or by calling 800-945-3132.
 -0- 5/27/93
 /NOTE TO EDITORS: Allenbaugh is available for interviews. Review copies available./
 /CONTACT: Kay Allenbaugh, publicist, of Discovery Publications, 503-635-3963/

CO: Discovery Publications ST: Oregon IN: PUB SU:

LM-GT -- SEFNS1 -- 2735 05/27/93 07:34 EDT
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Date:May 27, 1993

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