DEREK McGOVERN AT LARGE: 10 WAYS TO TORMENT YOUR RIVAL.
HERE are some tips on tennis etiquette you won't pick up at Wimbledon.
1. When he smashes a shot past you, immediately inspect your racket as though you've broken a string.
2. At least once a set wrongly call one of his shots out. You'll know it's in and he'll know it's in, but he can't prove anything.
3. If he's desperately trying to retrieve your fiendish lob to the back of the court, loudly ask him to get you a paper while he's there.
4. If you get the benefit of a lucky net-cord, never wave an arm in acknowledgement. That's for wimps.
5. Make triumphant gestures regularly, particularly when he double-faults.
6. Eyeball him menacingly at change-overs, unless he looks well 'ard.
7. When in doubt, call it out.
8. If you are narrowly ahead and your hour on court is shortly up, ostentatiously towel your brow after every serve.
9. If leading, always leave a ball lying somewhere on the court. The annoyance value is huge.
10. If he's supplied the balls, always make sure there's one missing at the end of play.