Cracks show as Tory nuts cause Mayhem.
Byline: KEVIN MAGUIRE
THE glazed eyes and fixed grimace of ashen-faced Theresa May are those of a dead woman walking - now spluttered to a halt.
That old phrase about being in office but not in power could have been coined for Deceased of Downing Street.
Her Premiership's gone, finished, departed. May's leadership's expired, entombed in a glass coffin watched by Cabinet supporters and usurpers struggling to maintain the fiction that she retains a political heartbeat.
Hatred of each other, and a fear the other Tory side would emerge victorious in a bloody civil war, is the sole reason the likes of Philip Hammond, David Davis and Boris Johnson pretend May possesses a pulse.
So she remains in No10 until, as a veteran Tory suggested to me, she pleads ill health to escape a personal purgatory or a likely strike by an emboldened faction.
A tiny bit of me feels sorry for May - until I think of denied wage rises for millions of workers, families without decent houses, students plunged into PS50,000-plus debt, women cheated of pensions equality and victims of a Universal Credit fatwa on the working poor, in and out of jobs.
May's arrogance wiped herself out instead of Labour and when the Tories eventually dump her - as they will - Britain deserves a quick General Election to let people decide who is to be our PM for three or four years - rather than that small, shrinking cult called the Conservative Party.
May's scripted boast she's "pretty resilient" is fatally undermined by her inability to menace chief plotter Johnson, leaving it to a flunkey in the shadows to issue deniable threats he could be sacked as Foreign Secretary. Cowardly Johnson is considered thick as thieves with Grant Shapps - himself shot down after a trying to organise a barracks uprising.
Branding the MPs clamouring for May to go as "nutters" was the coco de mer of the Conservatives himself - by far the biggest nut in the party - battling to keep his almond cake and eat it at the same time. The professional liar is the most duplicitous Tory of them all and moving him to another Cabinet post would not stymie his naked blond ambition.
The prostrate Premier might yet foil his bid for her job, but she can't save herself. The clock's ticking louder. It is about how soon, not when, she's out.
This is a Tory shambles. Brexit's proving a disaster. Britain deserves better. But the Tories fear voters will hand Jeremy Corbyn a chance.
Which is why the Conservatives will do everything possible to deny a General Election - to defy democracy.
May's legacy is Mayhem.