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Byline: tony SHARPS

FAT cat has become the uncomfortable label pinned to the high flying executive or entrepreneur with a big salary and perks to match. Membership of the Fat Cat Club is open to anyone who is determined, either by good luck or good management, tojoin.

So perhaps I can suggest a tongue-in-cheek short cut to the magic carpet.

The first steps are simple, starting with the selection of an employer and learning how to bluff your way in management.

Get on the fast track,move through chief executive jobs in larger companies,become chairman and chief executive of a major company, close plants,cut head count,outsource activities,cut budgets,make major acquisition of rival business in a take-over battle,arrange merger with a major global business and finish up negotiating a golden parachute.

The hard way to the top is to display above average intelligence, show an ability to get on with people and join the Attila the Hun class in ruthlessness.

Women should try investment banking or fund management,edit a newspaper or run cosmetics to join the feline variety of Fat Cats.

Both sexes should swiftly jump on the fast track band wagon,get an MBAafter their names and trip out the jargon such as ``activity based costing'' or ``balanced business scored boards''.

One golden rule is always wait and see which way the Boss Cat jumps before opening your mouth.

There are two other shrewd pieces of advice.

The chairman achieves consensus by the simple method of taking all decisions.

And if you can't delegate you will have no-one to blame when things go wrong.

The ideal Fat Cat package should be pitched at a five year service contract (out of court now because of corporate government rules), salary and a bonus capable of doubling earnings in a year, share options geared to modest increases in earnings per share, generous pension arrangements and perks that include an executive jet, the use of the company flat in Mayfair or Manhattan and seats at the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden or the Met in New York.

To avoid being publicly chastised as a Fat Cat,ensure that criticism is ``silenced'' by your early success in raising the share price of your company.

Lastly,if all else fails, there is always that old fashioned way to the top.

Marry the boss's daughter.
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Title Annotation:Business
Publication:Daily Post (Liverpool, England)
Date:Jan 7, 2004
Words:396
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