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Coaches' corner.

"The only thing that isn't funny about Yogi Berra is that he's got a lovely wife, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and plays golf with millionaires."

- Casey Stengel

JACK LaLANE, the health-spa impressario, on why at age 83 he worries so much about his health: "I can't afford to die. It would ruin my image."

BRETT SABERHAGEN, upon being credited for a 15-14 victory over the White Sox: "I've always said, give me 15 runs and an airtight defense and I'll take my chances with anyone."

BRUCE WEBER, the well-known N.Y. Knicks' fan, addressing the wife and kids after being informed that a season ticket for 1998-99 would cost him $57,000: "Forget College! Forget the new car! Forget the mortgage! Sell the dog! We're going to the Knicks games!"

MITCH ALBOM, ESPN, on the possibility of Notre Dame joining the Big Ten: "Why would they want to do that? They already have their own conference - NBC."

RALPH KINER, on the cure for batting slumps: "One year I was in such a bad slump that my manager told me to take the day off and go fishing. It didn't help, I missed the lake on my first cast."

BRENT ZIEGLER, the pick of one of the NFL drafts: "I know those general managers. They made a secret agreement to draft in alphabetical order."

DICK BUTKUS: "I never deliberately tried to hurt anyone except if it was important, like in a game."

BILL McKECHNIE, Cincinnati manager, after his catcher, Ernie Lombardi, was put on injured reserve after pulling a muscle: "How can a guy who runs the 40 in an hour and a half pull a muscle in his leg?"

JIM GRAY, TV sports, on horsetrainer Bob Baffert's remark that the whole world watched the Belmont Stakes in which his horse, Real Quiet, tried to nail down the Triple Crown: "Since the TV ratings showed a 6.6% rating, Baffert must have meant the whole world except the United States and Asia."

JOHN STOCKTON, checking out Karl Malone's new 24,000 square foot mansion: "Now I know where Karl got all those bricks he threw up in Games 1 and 2 of the playoffs."

NANCY LOPEZ, on why she would never be a golf pro at a country club: "Who needs 400 members telling me what's wrong with my putting every week?"

RONALD REAGAN, at a speech at George Washington University after leaving the White House: "After being in public housing for eight years, I realized that if I had gone to college without the distraction of football, I might have made something of my life."

TOMMY LASORDA: "The most impressive infielder I ever saw was Wayne Terwilliger. He hit three ways - lefty righty, and seldom, and he was most consistent at seldom."

ROBERT S. WIEDER, baseball historian: "When Sparky Anderson arrived in Detroit to manage the Tigers, he announced that he was going to make the team over in his image. So for the next 10 years all the scouts went hunting for little white-haired infielders who could hit .215."

PHIL JACKSON, after losing a game on three bad officiating calls and hearing the opposing coach say that 'The Bulls were never out of the game because they had Michael Jordan.': "And the Pacers were always in the game because they had the officials."

Fair and Foul Way

The two male chauvinists were having a bad time playing behind a pair of dilatory females. The ladies stopped to chat, pick flowers, and admire the scenery, while the chauvinists fussed and fumed.

At the sixth hole, they waited hopelessly for 25 minutes while one of the women apparently looked for her ball a few yards off the fairway.

"Why don't you help your friend find her ball?" yelled one of the men to the second woman, who stood in the fairway watching her companion.

"Oh, she's got her ball," the woman replied sweetly. "She's looking for her club."
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Title Annotation:quotations on a number of subjects from male and female sports figures
Publication:Coach and Athletic Director
Date:Sep 1, 1998
Words:660
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