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Coaches' corner.

LAWRENCE FRANK, New Jersey Nets' diminutive, unlikely-looking head coach, asked by the Denver Post's Adam Schefter "how often he's stopped and asked for an autograph": "Does that include family members?"

STEVE SPURRIER, as reported by The Orlando Sentinel's Mike Thomas, on why he rotated quarterbacks when Jesse (The Bachelor) Palmer was playing for him: "We could give them two plays at a time. I'd give them three if they could remember three."

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Hall of Fame manager SPARKY ANDERSON on today's new breed of Ivy League-educated baseball executives: "I only have a high school education, and I had to cheat to get that."

BUM PHILLIPS, after reviewing game film from a recent loss: "The film looks suspiciously like the game itself."

Baltimore Orioles broadcaster JOE ANGEL on slow-working Cleveland pitcher Jack Cressend: "He's so slow that it probably takes him an hour-and-a-half to watch 60 Minutes."

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

PGA golfer DAVID SUTHERLAND on statistics that indicate he is one of the worst putters on the tour: "It's not like it's something I'm not aware of. It's like telling Shaquille O'Neal he's not a good free-throw shooter."

SID GILLMAN, offensive innovator: "I want the big play. I'm not going to stay up all night trying to figure out how to gain three yards."

JIM ARMSTRONG, Denver Post, on Barry Bonds' announcement that he plans to retire after the 2005 season, whether or not he has broken Hank Aaron's home run record: "Right, and I just threw away that phone number Cindy Crawford gave me!"

ARMSTRONG, conceding that winning horse racing's Triple Crown may be the hardest thing to do in sports: "I used to think it was getting group dental coverage for the NHL Players Association."

MIKE McCORMICK, former coach of the Baltimore Colts, after team co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running onto the field for the coin toss: "Next time, I'm going to send the players on injured reserve out for the coin toss."

ANONYMOUS: "If they call it the World Series, why is it played in the Bronx every year?"

WALT MICHAELS, former coach of the New York Jets: "Everyone has fear. A man who has no fear belongs in a mental institution, or on special teams."

Florida Marlins' 73-year-old manager JACK McKEON: "I'm so old, I remember Preparation A."

RANDY TURNER, Winnipeg Free Press, on the only sport-related site that could rival the NFL.com's 4.9-million visitors during the annual draft: "Wilt Chamberlain's hotel room."

More TURNER, after a report that sprinter Tim Montgomery testified that he gave steroids to Barry Bonds: "Is Montgomery still the world's fastest man? He'd better be."

CHARLES BARKLEY, regarding the steroid allegations haunting Barry Bonds: "Y'all act like it's a big deal to gain weight when you get old. I got it down to an exact science."

MICHAEL VENTRE of MSNBC.com, on overcoming construction delays at the Athens Olympics: "Organizers are asking gymnasts if they think they can get by with just one parallel bar."

ALEX KARRAS, former NFL lineman: "I never graduated from college, but I was there two terms: Truman's and Eisenhower's."

Former NHL coaching legend FRED SHERO: "When you are a coach, you are miserable. When you are not a coach, you're more miserable."
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Publication:Coach and Athletic Director
Date:Sep 1, 2004
Words:541
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