"The minute you think you have it made is the minute that disaster moves in around the corner."
- Joe Paterno
ISIAH THOMAS, on the only thing he didn't like about playing for a woman coach in high school: "She didn't allow us to wear earrings."
BURLEIGH GRIMES, after being traded nine times in his last eight years in the major leagues: "God, I'd have been a millionaire if they had paid me by the mile."
LOU HOLTZ, in his arrival speech at South Carolina this year: "I play as well at home as I do on the road, and I want you to know that I'm going to try to get my football team to do the same,"
JAY LENO, upon reading the report on Archie Moore's death last December: "Archie Moore, Boxing immortal, Dies at Age 88": "That's life in Las Vegas: immortal today, dead tomorrow."
TOM LANDRY, on his head-coaching career: "Dallas hired me in 1940 and I coached until 1988, Since I was a head coach only once, I had to wonder if I'd ever make the Hall of Fame,"
ABE LEMONS, all-time wit and sporadic basketball coach, on why he gave up coaching after 50 years: "I'd call practice at two o'clock and the kids would show up at four o'clock and after I'd yell at them they'd tell me that they thought I had said three o'clock."
FRANK LAYDEN, the portly basketball guru who has always known his way around: "The greatest baseball fan I know is a guy who has all his money in the market and reads the box scores first every morning."
MARK WHICKER, Orange County Register (CA) on the difference between a U.S. World Cup Soccer Team and a high school valedictorian: "The valedictorian has several goals."
BILL LYON, in the Philadelphia Inquirer, on why the Philadelphia Eagles were called the penicillin of medicare last season: "They made every sick and suffering team they played instantly better."
JIM MURRAY, the bright and shining light of California sportswriting, on the day that Roberto Duran copped out of his bout with Sugar Ray Leonard by turning his back to him and saying, "No mas": "Knowing that Duran was an orphan, I think Duran would have made twice as much news if he had added, 'No pas, either.'"
CHRIS BERMAN, listening to the long-winded yammering of the TV football analysts: "I used to like them better when they were called 'color men' and used to talk only when the play-by-play man went to the bathroom"
LARRY KING, on pro football: "It makes more mean people rich than mugging does."
LARRY MERCHANT, boxing expert for HBO: "If all the East Germans, Russians, Chinese, and other Iron Country Olympic stars convicted of drugs were forced to return their gold medals, our dentists could plate every defective tooth in North America."
HUBIE BROWN, hoop maven: "I cannot understand why football coaches never teach their players how to dribble."
JOHN McKAY: the retired football coach who always had his I on the pulse of life: "Every coach in the NFL who wins two games in a row becomes an instant genius to be mentioned in the same breath as Alonzo Stagg, Pop Warner, and Howard Cosell."
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|Title Annotation:||amusing quotes from sports personalities|
|Publication:||Coach and Athletic Director|
|Date:||Feb 1, 1999|
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