Claws are out but opposites attract; Warning: may contain sarcasm and cats POLLY HUDSON.
Byline: POLLY HUDSON
UNEXPECTED things happen when freak weather necessitates all doors and windows being open and this week, my friend came into her living room to find a cat she'd never seen before asleep on a chair.
She pulled a face as she relayed the story, before explaining how she'd ended up dragging the chair to the back door and tipping the cat off and out. She was telling me all this to get my advice on how to stop it returning.
Naive fool, she genuinely seemed to think there was a way she could influence the outcome, rather than what was obviously going to happen - the cat would either come back whenever it wanted, or ensure my pal was imprisoned in a miserable, airless sweatbox because the cat always wins, the only variable is how.
My handles things entirely differently It was lucky there was no advice to give because I couldn't concentrate anyway all I could think was that I'd always blocked it out, but now I was being forced to face it.
I have ended up best friends with someone who doesn't like cats. HOW CAN THIS HAVE HAPPENED? And then I realised something even worse - we are actually polar opposites in every way.
If I want to get out of something, the obvious - only - solution that will immediately occur to me will be to make up a complicated excuse a wild ferret ran into my house and stole my pen, which is actually a precious family heirloom my great-grandfather fought and died for, so I chased the ferret and fell, breaking both my legs, for example.
Then I'll have to hide for however long it is until casts are removed, remember the details of the story for ever, and have sleepless nights for the rest of my life about my slight exaggeration being discovered.
My friend would handle it entirely differently - she'd be honest, tell the truth and it would be over with immediately. She is also one of those people who genuinely enjoys exercise, whereas I've done whatever it takes to avoid it ever since PE at school and not even really then, once I perfected my mum's handwriting.
My friend is adventurous and loves to travel, she's always up for new experiences. Meanwhile, the holy trinity of Amazon, Netflix and Deliveroo are fast making my dream of never leaving the house again ever more attainable.
I always expect the absolute worst out of every possible situation, then I can never be disappointed. There is a slight downside - living in a constant state of ne do an Mfo we anxiety, dread and fear - but c'est la vie. My friend always hopes for the best, focusing on the ways things could go well rather than disastrously, the weirdo.
My BFF and I couldn't be more different. In romantic relationships, they say opposites attract, but can that work in friendships? In theory, surely definitely not but in my personal practice, it somehow absolutely does.
Maybe my friend's yin matches my yang or something? We have what the other is lacking, and between us we add up to a whole person.
After all, she makes me more honest, healthy, positive and brings me out of myself, encouraging me to try new things. Meanwhile I um told her about Love Island. So that's it - totally quits then, cat-hater.
My friend handles things entirely differently