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City planners embark on a Scandinavian saga; Talk from THE TOWN - BROCKLEBANK.

DEMOLITION of Liverpool's world-famous old Sailor's Home proceeded rapidly in spite of (or because of) a handwritten plea for preservation by the King of Norway. The future of the derelict Scandinavian Hotel will be discussed by city planners. Thousands of US-bound Scandinavian immigrants and sailors passed through its portals, so its restoration could play a key role in Merseyside's overseas tourism promotion.

Will Scandinavian sensibilities get better treatment second time around?

MR BROCKLEBANK espies his valet, Biffin, in downcast mood. On inquiry, it appears that his faithful servant's hitherto unrivalled success in "coppin' off" at the Grafton's Grab-a-Granny night is severely reduced. Apparently Kosovan refugees attending these thY dansants are pretending to be Italian - or even Greek - gigolos, causing the city's ageing coquettes to swoon. What happens when our own brave boys return from the North West Frontier and there are not enough maidenly matrons?

THREE cheers for the rededication of Liverpool Institute of Performing Arts' WWII memorial, which attracted old boys from around the world for the ceremony.

Nobody knew it had gone until it was retrieved by galloping Major David Evans from Trader John's in the Dock Road, who parted with it for a commendably low fee.

MR BROCKLEBANK applauds the launch of a philosophy discussion group in Berry Street's Liverpool Brewery pub as final, concrete (or does he mean abstract? ) evidence of the city's sincerity in embracing European Capital of Culture ideals.

Thus he directed his sedan chair to Paradise Street to partake of the heavenly new drawing school held in Richie's Butty Bar (Thursdays at 3.30pm). Hoping to enjoy the sight of voluptuous naked females (unsullied by Kosovan gigolos) he was much distracted to be instructed instead to etch a dimpled vinegar bottle and ketchup dispenser stilllife.

IS BUSINESS so bad for Liverpool's lawyers that they are reduced to touting for business outside McDonald's fast food delicatessen in Lord Street?

Mr Brocklebank's lodger, Waylon Macaroon, was stopped by one such ambulance chaser who unfortunately asked: "Erm, have you had an accident?" To which the feisty Macaroon retorted: "You'll have an accident if you stand there any longer."

TRENDY Newz Bar, famous for its own singular Liverpool style of "art decoy", has removed its street tables and chairs.

Is this because they're so popular with asylum seekers (waiting outside Water Street's Home Office branch), who themselves are so popular with yet more lawyers vying to represent them?
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Title Annotation:Columns
Publication:Daily Post (Liverpool, England)
Date:Nov 7, 2001
Words:401
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