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Chewing gum makes you look like a moron.

Byline: Wilf Lunn

HATE seeing folk chewing gum.

I They think they look cool and don't give a toss. Actually, they look moronic.

If I'm served by an ignorant chewing oaf I'll say to them: "I'll wait till you've finished your lunch."

My deaf father used to do a terrific mime of what happened to you if you swallowed chewing gum.

He'd depict your ticking heart with his finger as a swinging pendulum. He'd mimed swallowing the gum and the pendulum sticking to one side and then he'd feign dropping dead.

My mother hated chewing because it made her lip-reading difficult. I always remember a hard-of-hearing guy who asked a chap chewing a toffee to speak up.

Imagine my thoughts when watching Michael Jackson's funeral. It was the first time we'd see his son, Prince, without a veil.

I would have preferred if he'd still worn it because he chewed throughout the entire ceremony. I thought one of the adults would have said something until I noticed Jackson's father was chewing as well.

PS. General Santana was famous for the only battle he ever won at the Alamo, killing Davy Crockett and Jim Bowie. He had one leg. He kept the other with him in a small coffin.

In later years he travelled to New York where he tried to get businessmen interested in making bicycle tyres out of catachouc, a natural gum the American Indians chewed.

He failed, but this stuff was the original chewing gum. It's now made of plastic supplied, I believe, by the same factories that make plastic explosive.

At school, in an attempt to stop us buying bubble gum, we were told it was made with crushed beetles.

We didn't believe it, but it's basically true. Bubble gum is traditionally pink. This is because the first guy to make it dyed it pink and pink or red colouring came from crushed cochineal beetles.

The chemistry teacher also told us lipsticks were made with lanolin from sewage. I haven't worn lipstick from that day to this.
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Publication:Huddersfield Daily Examiner (Huddersfield, England)
Date:Jul 25, 2009
Previous Article:Ho hum, it's that sound again.
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