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Can't forget his affair; Dear LINDA WALES' TOP AGONY AUNT.

Byline: Dear LINDA

Q Though my husband had an affair eight years ago, we now have a really good marriage, but for whatever reason I can't get past the thoughts of my husband with the other woman. Every so often I find myself obsessing over the details of their affair and start grilling him, getting more and more unreasonable and erratic. I shout and scream, insisting he tell me what she had or did that I didn't and just what it was that drove him away. He gets so dumbstruck during these bouts that he can hardly answer me. Why do I do this? Anon. South Wales A You do this because you're human so have intelligence and a long-term memory. Your tender feelings for him have also been very, very hurt. It's hard to think straight, let alone form sentences, when someone is very upset and, what's more, very upset with you; so his being struck dumb is natural, if exasperating. It seems you've buried deep those tortured emotions in order to get your marriage back on track. It makes for a double-edged sword though. Those feelings will surface, so they need to be vented; but guided safely. Do get in touch with Relate for counselling.

www.relate.org.uk
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Publication:South Wales Echo (Cardiff, Wales)
Date:Jan 26, 2011
Words:211
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