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Can I stop husband from divorcing me? 'My new boyfriend won't spend the night with me'.

Q IS it true that my husband can divorce me? Like many couples, we have had our ups and downs.

I know I was difficult to live with for quite a few years because I suffered very badly from both extreme PMT as well as depression. But I managed to get both under control and I thought things were getting better between us.

When I was unwell, I had very poor self-esteem, which led to me almost having an affair. For a while I went to AA and I met a man who, unlike my husband, really understood my problems. I didn't sleep with him although I was tempted.

But now my husband has come to me, just when I really believed there was light at the end of a very bleak and black tunnel, and has confessed he doesn't love me any more.

He is seeing someone else and thinks it would be better if we got divorced. He says she is pregnant. I know the person and I think she has deliberately set out to entrap my husband.

But he's such a fool that he can't see it. I still love him and I don't want to a divorce, even although I have grounds and he hasn't.

So can I prevent it while he comes to his senses? I was hoping now that I am well again that we could have a baby.

A PERHAPS you don't think ZA if s relevant, but if you were going to AA it would suggest depression wasn't your only problem.

Of course, you deserve full marks for finally getting your life under control. With all these problems, it must have taken a huge effort. But, as you yourself admit, it has not been a bed of roses for your husband.

Depression is a terrible illness, not only for those who suffer from it, but for their families.

Maybe the drinking and your growing closeness to the other man was what finally brought your husband to the end of what sounds like a considerable tether.

Now I think it's time for a new start for the pair of you - but not together.

There is only one ground for divorce, which is that the relationship has irretrievably broken down. I don't think your husband will have much difficulty in proving it.

So, while you may be able to delay it, you can't prevent him from getting a divorce. For your own sake, as well as his, accept the marriage is over and move on, hopefully towards a better future.

Q I HAVE been seeing a man for about six months. We get on well and I enjoy his company.

The relationship became sexual very quickly. In fact, we had sex the first night, but we also found we liked the same music, movies and so on.

But one thing bugs me. He won't spend the night with me.

He always gets up after we've made love and goes home. He lives with his parents and I share a flat. I got so paranoid I thought he was really going back to an other woman or even a wife.

But now he's taken me home to meet his parents so it can't be that. I've asked him but he just jokes that he likes his own bed. What do I do?

A YOU enjoy this man's company and he enjoys yours.

You have a good sex life, as well as a decent social one.

It could be that he thinks maybe it's been too quick. Perhaps he feels you are also getting a bit intense.

He's slowing the relationship down a little. Now you know he's not hiding away a secret wife, relax and let things take their course.
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Dec 13, 2006
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