Bushell on the Box: Bobbyisso Von derful.
NO tiffs, no tantrums, no sexual tension...this year's I'm A Celebrity should have been a washout of monsoon proportions.
Yet the format is so strong, it ticks over on small joys alone.
Delights of week two included Sid on that bungee rope ("Gotta go, bye!"), Bobby in a pink catsuit, and Carol singing Please Welease Me.
Then there was Jenny launching Jimmy into space - nothing has shot up that fast in the jungle since Peter Andre clapped eyes on Jordan. Someone always suffers memorable indignities of course. But this year the celeb who endured the most wasn't even on screen. Poor Harry Kewell. If ITV had stuck a camera on the Liverpool ace when wife Sheree Murphy talked about him having the "smoothest, peachiest bum ever", we'd have seen more squirming than David Attenborough.
We heard about his stretch marks, lack of hair, his dream of "playing abroad"...let's hope that whatever Smurfy makes out of this makes up for the stick her old man will cop for the rest of the season, if not his life.
The great strength of Celebrity is we see people as they really are. Even the most seasoned pro can't keep up an act for the cameras when they're tired, hungry and soaked to the skin. So Sheree is sweet, emotional, and naive while David Dickinson turns out to be ratty, selfish, desperate and disturbingly sweaty. Sid is honest, down-to-earth, and likeable. When he winds up Bobby his face lights up like a Christmas tree. Jimmy could well be Ned Flanders from the Simpsons ("Oh Nelly belly") - he's the nicest man alive. Thatch is a jolly hockey-sticks eccentric - "a twiumph!"
KIMBERLEY was game but lame. ITV could have replaced her with a cardboard cutout for all she contributed to the camp.
It's fair to say Antony won't be upsetting the rankings in the Top Ten Most Fascinating People of 2005 either. Isn't he hairy though? When he took his shirt off it was like he was wearing fur pyjamas.
Pretty, plucky Jenny just got better - loved her rebuking the Duke. Living legend Bobby deserves to win... An Audience With. But who will triumph? Sid I reckon. But then I thought Maria would win X Factor, so what do I know?
-A WISH list for series six: Freddie Starr, Paris Hilton, Mike Tyson, Julie Peasgood, Davro, DLT, Jessie Wallace, Lee Ryan, Francis Fulford, Sarah Ferguson, Noddy Holder, Nina Baden-Semper.