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Bunk-skatepark conspiracy revealed: 'certified pieces of suck' are part of shady land grab.

SACRAMENTO, CA -- For many California skateboarders, at long last, questions are being answered as to why their state endures a mind-bogglingly high rate of bunk, bogus and bastardized skatepark designs.

An undercover team of investigators has blown the lid off a conspiracy involving major land developers. Apparently, the developers buy the land for cheap while promising to create popular recreational skateparks. They then purposely build nonsensical handrail horrors and meaningless mound monstrosities. When the crowds fail to appear, the developers simply bulldoze the parks and sell the land for a profit.

Real estate tycoon Jack Hamm, who is now facing charges, admitted to the scare.

"It's hard being a greedy land developer," Hamm said. "We used to use fake ghosts and hauntings to manipulate property values, like on Scooby Doo. Then we came upon this idea. And we would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids!"

Hamm created skatepark oddities like the absurdicon (steep kinked hubba) and also the perplexer (transitions that shoot you into walls).
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Title Annotation:News, Nonsense, and Skate-Related Nothingness
Date:Oct 1, 2006
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