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Benfica Euro tie was flat like Kate.

Byline: TAMCOWAN

AWHEN you find yourself flicking over to All Star Mr & Mrs on STV, I think it's fair to say Celtic v Benfica wasn't a classic.

Apart from Kris Commons' cheeky shot from the halfway line, it was flatter than Kate Middleton's chest.

To be honest, I saw enough on Wednesday night to think Motherwell can hold on to top spot in the SPL.

At least my mate Brendan had a good time. A fat-cat for one night only, he won a signed ball in the half-time raffle. Always a considerate soul, he threw it at the Benfica keeper in the second-half just to give him something to do...

AOLDCO knocked out by the Queen. Newco knocked out by the Queens.

QoS might be 14 places above Rangers in the SFL, but they don't have five internationalists in their team (or players trousering PS8k a week) and the 23,000 Gers fans who paid good money to watch that dross on Tuesday deserve better.

Ally McCoist owns five per cent of the club. If these results continue, do you think he'll sack himself? PS. Memo to Charles Green: If the SFA have an agenda against Rangers, why did they rip up the rulebook and allow the brand new Rangers into the Scottish set-up? If anything, Charlie, I reckon the SFA are biased TOWARDS Rangers.

ALIFE'S too short to waste time on the SFA charging Celtic for the Rangers "zombie" banner.

The four charges (FOUR!) include failing to ensure fans' good behaviour, failing to stop fans displaying an offensive banner and failing to remove the banner.

Compliance officer Vincent Lunny should now be charged with failing to have a sense of humour.

A Rangers (not to mention the media's) interest in the Ramsdens Cup may have ended on Tuesday, but what a great night for text jokes My favourite two? 1) After that result, Rangers must be turning in their grave.

2) Rangers have been reinstated in the Cup after it was discovered QoS have players on dual contracts.

Their keeper is a plumber, their right-back is a butcher and their centre-forward is a lollipop man.

CAPTION(S):

AGENDA J Charles Green
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Title Annotation:Features; Opinion, Column
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Sep 22, 2012
Words:362
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