Byline: with Mystic Reg
My mysterious ball will reveal your future ...
Dec 21-Jan 20 CAPRICORN MIXED emotions this week. First, you'll be afraid, then you'll be petrified - and you may wonder how you're going to live without your significant other by your side. Go on now, go!
Jan 21-Feb 19 AQUARIUS A VISIT to a nuclear research laboratory takes an unexpected turn this week when you are bitten by a radioactive spider, giving you the powers of a man with acute radiation sickness.
Feb 20-Mar 20 PISCES YOU'VE always enjoyed puzzles, so you'll be intrigued by the one the police set you this week when they find your car in Aberdeen with all those drugs in the boot.
Mar 21-Apr20 ARIES THE Universe, in its cosmic wisdom, has a role for everyone. Yours is to be the guy who was given the wrong kind of ladder in the injury lawyers' advert.
Apr 21-May 21 TAURUS YOU'LL finally be reunited with your loved ones this week when a mistake by the witness protection programme enables them to find you and exact their terrible revenge.
May 22-Jun 21 GEMINI THEY say every cloud has a silver lining. If only this were true of your tortured existence, from which the sweet kiss of death will be the only release. But Tuesday'll be nice, probably.
Jun 22-Jul 22 CANCER A TERRIBLE bout of violent illness will befall you after you unwisely indulge in some seafood. You'll feel like this has happened to you before, but it's just the mussel memory.
Jul 23-Aug 23 LEO YOU'VE been told that learning Chinese will help you become a success in the modern business world. The stars say you should really learn English first, however.
Aug 24-Sep 22 VIRGO THERE'S been a meteor shower recently, traditionally a portent of disaster from angry gods. Don't worry - it's just some mad nonsense made up by superstitious people.
Sep 23-Oct 23 LIBRA THIS week, avoid making decisions based on ambiguous advice from dubious sources. But the stars say to either accept or turn down any opportunities that may or may not arise.
Oct 24-Nov 21 SCORPIO is a water sign, but unfortunately that won't protect you from either the inferno or the tsunami that will surprisingly hit your local pub this week.
Nov 22-Dec 20 SAGITTARIUS THEY say that travel broadens the mind. The fact that you've never been further than Litherland is coincidental, I'm sure. Your lucky Hall is Royal Albert.