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OLD SCHOOL? NEW SCHOOL? FUCK IT. SCHOOL'S OUT, KIDS. BITCHIN' HIT LIKE every volume of Skate Rock rolled into one. Two girls and a guy playing music tuneful enough to remember and raw enough to piss off your parents. Scarred and tattooed veterans of the War Against Adult-Contemporary Hardcore. Punk rock. What's not to like?

Tell me about the girl with the dick in her eye.

T: We have a Wall of Fame at our house, where everyone that comes over gets their picture taken and they sign their autograph and we stick it up on our wall. Our friend met this woman in a bar and she stuck her titty right in his eyeball, and he signed a picture of it with "What have I become?" So our friend came over last night and thought it would be awesome if there was a picture up on the wall of her with a dick in her eye. But no one would stick their dick in her eye 'cause no one wanted their dick hangin' on our wall. She's like, "You guys are all pussies, man! Why won't anyone do it?" Eventually it turned over to a nut sack, 'cause that's a little less promiscuous.

C: Oh Jesus. A sack sure can smell bad sometimes. In general that's a very sweaty area.

You guys have toured?

S: We met a lot of cool people on the first tour, but we were in this terrible hippy van.

I don't care what kind of people you met on tour. Who stinks up the van the worst?

S: Our second roadie was the stinkiest. She had trucker ass-rot. That's where this giant pustule forms on the crack of your ass and when it bursts open all this stinky butt-puss comes out.

T: It smelled like fuckin' death.

C: It seemed like we had a living corpse in the van, It was so bad she had to be hospitalized.

I was just thinkin' armpits or something when I asked that question. What kind of groupies do you guys get?

S: Really polite ones. They're all respectful.

Who would win in a fight between Team Dresch and Sleater Kinney?

S: Team Dresch.

C: I don't know who Team Dresch is..

S: But you know Sleater Kinney.

C: ... And I'm sure that Team Dresch would win.

T: Team Dresch would kick Sleater Kinney's ass.

S: I think they already have.

What are you listening to these days?

S: I started listening to At The Drive In.

You mean Drive Like Jane's Addiction? Jane's Addiction Like Jehu?

S: Jurassic 5 make me crazy.

Sounds like adult-contemporary hardcore.

S: I am adult-contemporary, dude. Adult Contemporary Youth. I like Lil' Kim.

Who's the best fighter in Bitchin'?

S: We'd be mini-Transformers, where like as a team we could kick much ass...

Like Voltron? Where you combine into one thing, like an ass-kicking machine?

S: We're the Voltron of rock.

What's your Voltron component?

S: I'm very cunning. And swift. Whereas I think Caroline could win by size and fury. And. uh, Todd.. Todd's tired of taking names and now he's getting numbers.

Is there anybody you'd like to deliver a collective beatdown to?

S: I'd like to fight Dillinger Four, just for bloody, tumble-down fun. As a matter of fact, I'd like to make a public challenge to 04.

C: Just for fun, though. They fuckin' kick ass.

S: Dillinger Four is the only band that would even try us.

You can buy Bitchin records from No Idea: PO Box 14636, Gainesville, FL 32604-4636
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Author:Hughes, Patrick
Article Type:Brief Article
Geographic Code:1USA
Date:Sep 1, 2001
Previous Article:BITCHIN.
Next Article:Murder City Devils.

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