BEAR'S CRITTERS AND QUITTERS.
Byline: KEVIN O'SULLIVAN
A giant leap forward as Channel 4 launched the female version of The Island With Bear Grylls and swiftly established that girls are terrified of creepy crawlies and have no sense of direction.
Meanwhile, on a neighbouring remote South Pacific outcrop, more sexual stereotyping was achieved as the macho men ruggedly swore at each other and growled about violent retribution...
Furious with loudmouth Paul, oldster Andy snarled: "In my world it's a punch to the throat, he's down, gone, finished I walk away." Wow, what a guy.
Pounded by relentless tropical storms, the starving Mr and Mrs Crusoes were plunged into chaotic misery.
After four dysfunctional days the ladies couldn't even find the beach. And sobbing hairdresser Jayde quit.
Naturally, series two is still The Island With Bear Grylls Not On It. As the intrepid reality TV losers suffer on their uninhabited hell-holes, our smirking hero is characteristically enjoying hotel room service elsewhere.
Is this mildly entertaining nonsense a true test of survival? Or Big Brother with palm trees? You decide.
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