Ask Anne Diamond: I'm facing a fallout with my husband for taking the kids to a funeral; A reader says her husband claims the experience will leave them scared for life.
One of my sisters died recently and I insisted my kids -- aged three, five and eight -- went to the funeral.
They were upset because they loved their auntie but they coped and are fine now.
My husband and I have fallen out, though.
He says it will scar them for life.
In some cultures this wouldn't even be a question. Children attend christenings, weddings and funerals.
But in our modern Western culture we've built up different sensitivities.
Ask Anne Diamond: Virgin bride fears husband will cheat with ex-lovers because he still keeps in touch on Facebook
In my view, babies or very small children who may be noisy and disruptive should stay away out of respect for the solemnity of the occasion. But for youngsters of your children's ages and above it's entirely a personal decision.
Once you've explained about the death of a loved one you may decide to also explain to them the next step -- the funeral.
I've known some families who simply say a loved one has gone to Heaven and never mention a funeral. The person simply disappears. That's not the way I'd do it -- I'm not sure it prepares kids for real life.
It's a matter of choice. You felt it was something important for your children to confront and understand. But it's important you show your husband's beliefs respect too.
Ask Anne Diamond: Grief over mum's death has turned my dad into a hoarder
Have you talked this through with your children? Is there any sign of so-called scarring or enduring worries and questions from them? If there is any sign of lingering distress from them -- apart from the natural mourning of their auntie -- then talk about it with them and ask advice from a GP.
In my experience, there's no harm in children attending a funeral but -- and it is a big BUT -- it depends how you explain and rationalise it to them.
Try to talk this through with your husband quietly and calmly. The kids will pick up on any disagreement, which will worry them.
If you need advice consult Child Bereavement UK who support families through the loss of loved ones. Their helpline is 0800 02 888 40.
I missed a period and believed I may be pregnant.
A test was inconclusive.
Waiting for a doctor's appointment, I told my boyfriend who got nasty and accused me of sleeping around and trapping him.
I wasn't pregnant after all. But my boyfriend's behaviour hurts me. Should I dump him, or was that just a man's over-reaction?
You're right to consider dumping him.
If you had been pregnant, does he sound like a man you could rely on?
Lots of men are shocked at becoming a parent, but anger and accusations are not acceptable.
That you're asking the question suggests you already know the answer. You deserve better.
Donald Trump is wrecking my home!
My husband and I have four children and six grandchildren and I love family get togethers.
But one of my daughters is married to an American who supports Trump
Even though I ban the talk ofTrump, guns, and the wall with Mexico they come up and everyone starts shouting and people storm out.
What on earth can I do?
The word Brexit has the same effect in my house! I think your clan needs to be told
family get togethers are just that -- not a chance for political debate, no matter
how harmless it feels at first. One drink too many and a charming lunch can be a nightmare. Send out a friendly note with the next invite. Better still, talk it
through directly with your children to reach an agreement. That might not
end it but you can claim the moral high ground and remind them of their promise. Bottom line: Be strict. You're the matriarch.
You might have to get tough.
In some cultures this wouldn't even be a question. Children attend christenings, weddings and funerals
|Printer friendly Cite/link Email Feedback|
|Title Annotation:||Lifestyle,Sex & Relationships|
|Publication:||Daily Mirror (London, England)|
|Date:||Apr 21, 2018|
|Previous Article:||What 'beeking' means - and you've probably been doing it; Susie Dent from Countdown made 'beeking' her word of the day.|
|Next Article:||What your pet is telling you with their body language when you scratch their ears or tickle their tummy; We might think we know our pets, but a...|