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Apocalypse will provide plenty of pain to titillate the sickos; VIEW FROM THE SOFA Cage Rage Sky Sports 2, 9pm.

Byline: Steve Palmer

TONIGHT'S live wrestling 'action' comes from Wembley Arena and is being billed as the Feel The Pain event.

I thought the Feel The Pain event was staged at Wembley ten days ago when a load of pesky Croatians condemned English football fans to at least another three years of hurt to go with the previous 41.

But no - Feel The Pain kicks off at 9pm tonight - and no doubt the world's elite grapplers will be inflicting untold pain on each other.

Well, quite a bit of doubt actually. How dumb do people have to be to believe the wrestlers are really connecting with their apparently lusty blows?

My face tends to spew with blood when someone punches me as hard as they can several times in quick succession.

Yet the pro wrestlers seem to be able to gobble up a tray full of knuckle sandwiches and you won't see a drip of claret anywhere.

What makes them so different to me? Have I got a particularly fragile face? I do moisturise occasionally to keep my skin soft for the ladies.

Or have the wrestlers got particularly strong faces because they drink lots of Irn-Bru?

Or, call me a party pooper if you must, are they not actually being hit properly?

The latter me thinks, and any adult attending Feel The Pain tonight to whoop and holler during these 'bouts' should hang their head in shame.

If you want to witness real pain, why not take a tour round your local hospital? There's plenty of genuine pain to be seen on this godforsaken planet without having to rely on a musclebound oaf screaming "OUCH!" when another musclebound oaf tickles his ear.

It sickens me that people are so attracted to viewing supposed pain anyway. WWE is so popular - there are 'Smackdown' and 'Bottom Line' programmes littered all over the Sky Sports 3 and Sky Sports Xtra listings today (13 hours of coverage).

What is it with humans that draws them to seeing other humans in apparent pain?

Why do people pay to attend an event entitled Feel The Pain?

Would thousands of people cram into Wembley Arena to watch an event called Feel The Joy, where a few lycra-clad blokes sit in a ring together sharing a nice pot of warm tea and spreading cheer to one another with pleasant conversation? No. And more's the pity.

If those same blokes are pretending to hurt one another with flying elbows, eye gouges and scissor-kicks, then tickets sell like hotcakes.

This is just further evidence of why the human race will soon be run. I won't win any popularity awards for saying it, but we are all a bunch of morons.

You want to feel the pain? Well, when whoever created us decides he's lost patience with our continually ludicrous behaviour and launches a ruddy great comet our way, you'll get your chance to feel some serious pain.
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Title Annotation:Sports
Publication:The Racing Post (London, England)
Date:Dec 1, 2007
Words:488
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