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All wrapped up in weather obsession; Wilma's Week.

SUNDAY

BACK to winter and thermal underwear. Shugarelly gumsticks, I'm on aboot the weather again! I had actually shed a layer of clothing but it's back on as that cold wind, which is coming from God knows where, seems to be directed at me.

I've a horrible feeling that those four days of heat and sunshine we had last month were all the summer we're getting this year.

MONDAY

TODAY was "let's ask Wilma questions she doesn't know the answer to" day.

Firstly, I got a text from a friend asking: "What did the d as in 4d etc stand for in pre-decimal currency?" Pounds, shillings and pence - so why l s d.? Well I couldnae mind and nae wonder, as it's Latin for librae, solidi, denarii.

The next query came from our eldest son, who said nobody he's asked knows why a jukebox is so called. I looked it up and I'm none the wiser either as the dictionary says the word juke comes from the Gullah for disorderly and then I had to look Gullah up and it's the Creole language spoken by people on the coast of South Carolina. What's disorderly about the records in a jukebox?

There must be another reason for the name and it'll keep me aff my sleep until I find oot.

TUESDAY

TODAY I went into a wee shoppie and told the young Asian chap that there was a strong smell of embrocation.

He looked puzzled and I explained that it's the smell of things like Deep Heat and muscular rubs and he said: "There was an elderly lady in a minute ago, maybe it was her." Elderly - what was he trying to say?

WEDNESDAY

THERE are far too many cooking programmes on TV at the moment.

Wouldn't you think that since I could eat my way through a midden just now, I would be an avid fan? Well I'm not, except for Come Dine With Me, which has nothing to do with the cooking and everything to do with the witty comments of the narrator. I wonder what t he contestants think when they see the finished programme. I'll bet they're nae sae cocky then.

THURSDAY

I WAS supposed to start my second blast of chemo today but apparently my neutrophils were a bit low - I think they make those words up as they go along 'cos that sounds like a some faddy health food type thing.

Anyhoo, it's something to do with my blood and danger of infections or summit (being an avid believer in what you don't know can't hurt you, I wasnae really listenin', I was mair interested in this other woman's wig, which was excellent so I was trying to find out where she got it).

Nae that I'm needin yin yet but if I do that's the one for me.

FRIDAY

GARDEN gnomes seem to be becoming increasingly popular.

One of the funniest things I heard was last year when a village near us awoke one Sunday morning to find all the gnomes lined up at the bus stop, as if waiting for a bus.

None of them was damaged, so it wasn't really vandalism, just a bit of fun.

It's like the different hats etc which appear overnight on the statues in Montrose.

CAPTION(S):

GNOME COMFORT: Bus prank
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:May 21, 2011
Words:554
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