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All night long; I asked Jeremy Beadle if he could see himself in his sheep posing pouch...

Byline: Sam Mann

At the beginning of the week I had a rendezvous at the RAF club on Piccadilly with a cool, good-looking, stylish charmer. Oh, and he's a superhero too. The only problem was that one hundred other people were on the same date. Well, colonel Dan Dare was an extremely popular guy in the '50s. Yes, I went to the relaunch of the comic old-timer who recently celebrated his 50th birthday. Amazingly, he hasn't aged a bit. to the stage, I'm sure he was hoping the secret of eternal youth would rub off on him. Instead, he had to rely on his old Irish magic to address the crowd. His wit seemed to have his onlookers captivated, unless they'd noticed, as I had, that Terry's well-lacquered fringe had an uncanny resemblance to that of the Dan Dare cardboard cut-out hanging above him. Whichever it was - the humour or the dodgy 'do - everyone was amused.

If the reception from the crowd to the short animation is any indication, we should prepare ourselves for Dan Dare mania. Presenter Paul Ross seemed well impressed and Queen guitarist Brian May had dashed straight from the airport to get a glimpse of his comic book hero.

Even the new slimline Sophie Dahl took time away from Mick Jagger to accompany her dad to the screening. As she watched Dan Dare in action, I'm sure I detected a sparkle in her eye. Maybe Mr Jagger has met his match.

Later in the week I was off to a birthday party for the queen of saucy lingerie, Jacqueline Gold. I found the Ann Summers chief exec looking pretty in pink, surrounded by her glamorous friends, including Tamara Beckwith, Rachel Brady, Nell McAndrew and the not-so-glam Jeremy Beadle.

While there I enquired about National Orgasm Day, which is on July 31, trying to determine whether the focus is on quantity or quality. Jacqueline told me that it will be much more fun than any other national day because you can do it alone or with a friend. She doesn't need to sell it to me - it's marked in my diary in big red letters!

With another party to get to, I grabbed my goodie bag and left. As I headed by cab to Isola in Knightsbridge, the poor cabbie nearly had a heart attack when I emptied the bag and out fell a funny-shaped lipstick, which you could never get on straight as it keeps vibrating around, and a giant tube of edible chocolate motion lotion - very useful.

As I sat in the new bar at Isola sipping a blackcurrant Martini, I spotted Jeremy Beadle again. I'd just asked him if he could see himself in the sheep posing pouch he'd been given as he left Jacqueline's party, when we were interrupted by a girl asking him to say hello to her mom. Wasting no time, he gamely grabbed her mobile and proceeded to rant down the phone, telling the poor woman on the other end that just because he's got a beard everyone thinks he's Jeremy Beadle, but he's not and Mr Beadle is, in fact, a horrible man. He ended the bizarre conversation by saying, "I'll pass you back to your daughter who's busy making a baby as we speak". His jokey speech brings a whole new meaning to, "Watch out, Beadle's about!"

The night was getting messy, so it was time to leave. As I jumped in a cab I realised I hadn't eaten a single thing all night. A desperate search for anything edible only came up with - yes, you guessed it - the Ann Summers chocolate motion lotion.

After downing the whole tube, and with chocolate sauce all over my face, I won't tell you what the cabbie suggested I have for dessert!

sammymann @hotmail. com


GLAMOROUS: Nell McAndrew; DODGY 'DO: Terry Wogan; BIRTHDAY GIRL: Jacqueline Gold; HE WHO DARES: Paul Ross; DARING: Sophie Dahl at the Dan Dare screening
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Copyright 2001 Gale, Cengage Learning. All rights reserved.

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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:Jul 20, 2001
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