All O-Kay as show hits the fast lane.
BIG Brother's back everyone!
Hoora.....No, sorry. I just can't do this anymore.
Yes, I know they're supposed to have tinkered with the format this time around and are promising something "thrilling and mischievous", but don't they say that every year? Nevertheless, being dubbed Big Brother: Timebomb did initially get me very excited - or, more specifically, it was the thought of the housemates being given a televised hour each day to locate and defuse a suitcase full of semtex which had been secreted about their compound.
Sadly though, the meaning behind the show's title was much less literal than I'd hoped - alluding instead to the producers aims to "stop and rewind time" in order to mess with the contestants' heads.
Stop time? Fellas, you've being doing that for this reviewer since the show began its inexorable slide into viewing purgatory nearly a decade ago.
2007 was a good year though, BB's eventual winner Brian Belo being the kind of puddingheaded man-child it was impossible not to warm to.
Car | Out-stupiding even the late Jade Goody, Brian was the kind of muppet who, when wished 'Happy birthday' by Big Brother, replied "Happy birthday to you too."
No Brian, that isn't the correct response when someone wishes you 'happy birthday', I'd find myself laughing at the screen.
Statistically-speaking it's highly unlikely it would have been that person's birthday too.
But, bless him, there were no sides to Brian, he was just an unrepentant doofus who saw only the good in people.
And, since he toddled back to the hinterlands of both Essex and obscurity, the programme's just become a cavalcade of self-obsessed attention seekers - all of whom dream of stardom but, in reality, will be lucky if they end up doing station idents for satellite porn channels or personal appearances at Koolerz nightclub in Warrington.
Plus, the Channel 5 flagship show has been haemorrhaging viewers for ages - a measily two million tuned in to watch Tuesday's opening episode.
Were it a West End musical and you rang the theatre to find out what time it started, the voice on the other end of the line would probably ask: "Well, what time can you get here?" But, if there was one glimmer of hope for the whole enterprise it was the sterling decision to evict the aptly named Simon Gross - part Louie Spence, part Dom Littlewood, all d***head - after only an hour of the cameras rolling.
Still, Simon can't complain - that's four times the 15 minutes of fame he was only ever likely to get.
LET nobody say that I can't admit being wrong.
I recently had a right go at Peter Kay's Car Share (BBC1) for being another tossed-off, lazy, 'will this do?' attempt at comedy from the Bolton comic.
Well, several episodes later (dunno why, but I just felt compelled to stick with it) and I'm not ashamed to say it's now one of my favourite things on the box.
It's full of beautifully underplayed acting and has some great lines - not least the bit where Kayleigh complains of the extreme skin reaction she suffered after buying a blouse from a woman down the market.
"Anaphylactic?" asked Kay's character.
"Dunno, I didn't ask her name," she replied.
Car Share is on my favourites list
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|Publication:||Wales On Sunday (Cardiff, Wales)|
|Date:||May 17, 2015|
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