Alcohol helps us to live longer? I'll drink to that.
RINK beer for immortality, the newspaper headline said.
d. At least, that's what I thought it said.
Whey hey, was my reaction. Instead of closing pubs at the rate of 29 a week we should convert them into residential homes so that elderly citizens will live for ever in pleasant surroundings.
A beer garden for the summer, Sky Sports, Strictly Come Dancing and a log fire for the winter, a friendly face behind the beer pumps and bar meals to suit.
Unfortunately, I got it wrong, which is not a new occurrence when I'm speed reading newspaper headlines.
A delicate between I've lost count of the times I thought Gazza was in trouble in the Middle East when he was up in Newcastle at a sportsmen's dinner. When I read the beer story, the promised results were not quite as I had been hoping.
detrimental of Nights of laughter, fun and fluent Swahili would not keep me alive for eternity in a golden haze of bitter ale.
But moderate drinking could reduce the risk of death, said scientists.
Moderate drinking is, however, less than 14 units a week for a bloke and half that for women. That equates to seven pints a week for a chap and a glass of wine a day for the ladies.
Excess drinking, on the other hand, is said to be the road to ruin.
Male heavy drinkers face a 25% higher risk of mortality. A heavy drinker is someone who drinks more than seven pints a week.
I know the dangers of alcoholism but many working men enjoy a few pints at the end of the day and they regularly exceed the guidelines. So do I and my intake is modest.
A scientist says: "A delicate balance exists between the beneficial and detrimental effects of alcohol consumption which should be stressed to consumers and patients."
Perhaps we've got used to a legal social drug that is part of the British psyche but, in moderation, it can help social intercourse and relaxation for many.
Maybe we sometimes underestimate it's dangers but at the end of the day, you pay your money and you take your choice.
I'll have a pint of bitter, please.
than "A delicate balance exists between the beneficial and detrimental effects of alcohol consumption.