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Byline: Des ClarKe

A RATTLING dog has had 13 golf balls removed from his stomach. Poor beast. He must really have hacked off Tiger Woods' missus.

Bernard Matthews has retired as the nation's biggest turkey farmer. He's been responsible for more turkeys than any other Briton, with the possible exception of Guy Ritchie.

A sleep expert has found that women need 20 minutes more sleep than men per night to rest their busy, multi-tasking brains. Hang on, are they saying us men can't multi-task in the bedroom? Pah. How else can we pretend to listen to what women are saying and try to fall asleep at the same time?

Teaching unions are having a vote on whether exams narrow children's education. Actually, I think school broadened me. Well, at least the tuck shop did.

The 2010 World Cup anthem is by a Somali rapper. I don't think he'll sell many copies in his home country. Piracy is mental over there.
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Jan 30, 2010
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