ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE; Protect an endangered species - celebrate National Marriage Week.
And men up and down the country will sit down to breakfast on Friday morning clutching a card from their loved one and sporting a look of naked fear on their faces as they realise they've managed to forget Valentine's Day yet again.
It's not their fault, it sneaks up on you without warning. They should run a big ad campaign like they do for the lottery, only it would say, `If you forget the flowers and the chocolates ... IT COULD BE YOU!'
And the big hand would squelch the guy flat mercilessly. With a hint like that, even the average Scotsman would manage to stagger down the all-night garage and come back with a bunch of wilted daffs.
Even those strong-minded women who pretend not to take this commercial lovefest seriously, do mind not getting a token of their man's affections. Or worse, the wrong token of his affections.
One pal still hasn't recovered from getting a strimmer from her bloke for Christmas. I mean, what is a man trying to say to you when he gives you a strimmer?
We're all desperate to find out what the postie brings her this week. If it's half a ton of compost, they'll be divorced by March.
Today is also the start of the first ever National Marriage Week - sometimes it's hard to know exactly what week you should be celebrating, there are so many.
Should you be celebrating National Global Warming Week at the same time as Maiden Aunts Against Liposuction?
Anyway, it's high time married people got their own national campaign, because most of them will tell you they're at least as disadvantaged as anyone else.
It's a nice idea, dreamed up by the churches, with hundreds of couples making their vows all over again.
A sceptic might say that with the marriage rate dropping , they have to do something to get people up the aisle.
The number of Scots marrying fell by nearly 10 per cent in the past two years alone, but men and women still want to get together and, if possible, stay that way.
In 10 years the number of couples living together has trebled. Also, there are more singles around and not just because they can't get someone to take them on. They're picky, and they're having fun.
Ten years ago, it was just slobby young men living on their own out of bean tins. You saw them down the launderette. Theirs were the sheets that couldn't be folded, even after their bi-annual wash.
Your heart sank if a bloke living on his own asked you back for coffee after a date. You knew his underpants would be soaking in the sink, along with three half eaten bowls of Readybrek.
Now there are just as many young women going solo and the singles scene is all low-fat dinners and Futons R Us. In fact, a quarter of all households are now singles, a figure expected to go as high as half.
Social scientists are wringing their hands and telling us it's the end of civilisation. It's not. Romance is not dead, it's just a bit worried and gone for a little lie down.
One survey found singles are more likely than the rest of us to drink and smoke heavily, eat take-aways and watch videos.
It also found that they were most likely to be depressed and commit suicide.
Why, I have no idea. Sounds like paradise to me.
But whether you're single or shackled up with someone, try to put a little romance in your life this week.
Remember, the wee fat guy with the arrows isn't Jocky Wilson. It's Cupid, stupid.
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|Publication:||Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)|
|Date:||Feb 10, 1997|
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