A streak of nature.
STREAK! THE MAN WHO CAN'T KEEP HIS CLOTHES ON C4, 10pm WELL, here's a sight to kill that romantic Valentine's Day vibe stone dead - a middle-aged man doing a naked skydive.
Trust us, it's nothing to write home about.
You might have heard of Mark Roberts, from Liverpool, and are bound to have seen his antics before.
He streaked at the Super Bowl in 2004. He streaked Fred Talbot's weather map on ITV's This Morning. He streaked at Crufts. He even streaked at the funeral of his mate's mum.
He seems to be under the impression that the general public enjoys his exhibitionism every g p jy bit as much as he does and people cheer with excitement when they see a naked man cantering on to the pitch and don't think, "Oh, not you again. Put it away, you sad man."
Mark has notched up more than 500 streaks in his career. He used to be sponsored by an online casino but that was a long time ago and his glory days are well behind him. His most recent streaks seem to have been in car washes and at building sites, which is a long way from Wembley Stadium. If he were to continue at this rate, he'd end up streaking in his own bathroom.
This documentary makes surprisingly little attempt to get under Mark's skin and find out why he does what he does, as it follows his mission to do one last big streak before he hangs up his birthday suit for good.
One plan involves streaking with the bulls in Spain and leaping over one of them - a plan that lasts only until he gets to Spain and discovers the bulls are bigger than he thought.
If only we could say the same about Mark.
ALL THE GOSS FROM YOUR SOAPS EASTENDERS BBC1, 7.30pm JAY manages to pull the perfect Valentine's night out of the bag for Abi tonight - OK, it's a bin bag, but it's the thought that counts.
But Max and Kirsty and Jack and Sharon have decided to skip the red roses and just go straight to the rows.
Meanwhile in hospital, Patrick is sulking as Denise and Kim didn't put themselves down as his next of kin.
Patrick, how can we put this? You're not actually related.
EMMERDALE STV, 6.45pm AT an earlier time than usual, tonight's hour-long episode sees Samson and Amelia playing miniature Cupids by sending Rachel a Valentine's card that she thinks is from Sam.
Meanwhile, Moira is finding it hard to believe that it is 12 months tomorrow that she watched her husband John die.
Neither can we - she's had two totally unsuitable lovers in that time and a whole pub full of men trying to hit on her tonight.
Even Cain is shocked by it all.
THIN END OF THE DREDGE HUGH'S FISH FIGHT: SAVE OUR SEAS C4, 9pm THERE was a time when Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's trips only took him as far as his nearest hedgerow to forage for his dinner.
But since embarking on the food campaign trail, he has gone further afield and tonight we catch up with him in the Philippines.
In last year's Food Fight series, Hugh highlighted how EU fishing quotas have resulted in the shamefully wasteful practice of discards - where perfectly good fish are thrown dead back into the ocean.
This time, he hopes to futureproof the oceans by campaigning for marine-protected areas and tonight, he focuses on the destructive process of dredging for scallops.
For those of you who prefer to watch Hugh cooking, a few things will get chucked into a frying pan as well - diesel and fertiliser.
And his hosts are knocking up a bit of dynamite to go bomb fishing. It's one fry-up recipe you might want to swerve.
DEVIL IN THE DETAIL THE PLANNERS BBC2 8pm THE moral of this week's episode is that if you see a building that's an eyesore, don't automatically blame the planners.
Tonight's most controversial planning application is for a building extension that is 105ft by 20ft high.
One wall will have no windows at all - just a blank fortress of bricks, and although a building of this size is required to have several parking spaces, just three are allowed for in the plans.
And yet, as you'll see, this application gets bustled through for political reasons before anyone voting on it has a chance to properly hear the objections.
It's quite extraordinary, especially as the woman chairing the meeting must have been fully aware she was being filmed.
Elsewhere, it's reassuring to see that common sense isn't completely dead - a fact Cheshire couple Robin and Amanda Blackham will be counting on as they apply to build a development on a brownfield site - for the fourth time.
PICK OF THE DAYTURN OVER FOR SCOTLAND'S BEST TV GUIDE
NAKED ZAMBITION Mark Roberts
EASTENDERS Jay and Abi enjoy a smooch
NET J RETURN Hugh talks quotas
PLOTTING Blackhams have plans