A film to get your teeth into.
THE home nations may have failed to qualify for Euro 2008 but in one league table at least, Britain stands head and shoulders above its neighbours: Teenage pregnancy rates.
Sex education continues to fall on deaf ears so perhaps the time has come for a radical solution: Screenings of writer-director Mitchell Lichtenstein's satirical coming-of-age story as part of the national curriculum.
In the space of 93 blood-drenched minutes, the firsttime filmmaker creates a nightmarish world in which youthful fumblings are punishable by mutilation at the hands - or rather the loins - of a naive heroine.
High school student Dawn (Weixler) meets Tobey (Appleman) and during a romantic swim, he forces himself upon her. Big mistake.
With one suitor cut down to size on the mortuary slab, the terrified teenager doesn't know where to turn - and books an appointment for a check-up with gynaecologist Dr Godfrey (Pais).
"Don't worry - I'm not gonna bite you," quips the medic, snapping on a pair of latex gloves. Alas, the joke's on him.
Teeth draws plenty of blood as Dawn embraces her physical abnormality as the ultimate weapon against subjugation.
Lichtenstein spares the blushes of his heroine but doesn't afford her victims the same courtesy, relishing close-ups of their humiliation to fully justify the 18 certificate.
Weixler curries sympathy for her beleaguered heroine as she grapples with a dental problem like no other
SWEARING; SEX; VIOLENCE
LOVE AT FIRST BITE - Jess Weixler stars as student Dawn in Teet