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A fart-warming tale for all the filth-loving family.

What smells conjure up a perfect Christmas?

A real fir tree, a roaring fire or the mouthwatering aroma of turkey roasting in the oven? Well, that's all about to change. Meet the smelliest, squelchiest, dark-dwelling monster, Fungus the Bogeyman. He and his family live below ground, are obsessed with poo and snot, and his new threepart family series, starting on Sky 1 on December 27 at 6pm, is set to become a new Christmas classic. A great cast, led by Timothy Spall, Victoria Wood and Keeley Hawes, will bring Raymond Briggs' muchloved characters to life. Narrated by Lord of the Rings legend Andy Serkis, this is a bigfarted, er, hearted drama that'll make everyone from eight to 85 laugh out loud at its silliness, then gasp at the show-stopping special effects. Fungus, his wife Mildew and their son Mould like nothing better than making the lives of humans - Drycleaners as they call us - a whiffy, noisy, misery. But there is trouble when young Mould admits to being 'dry-curious' and runs away from the bliss of cockroaches, worms and scabs (yuck!) to live Up Top. Fungus and Mildew will do anything to get their Bogeyboy back, even if it means disguising themselves as humans and living next door to the dysfunctional Hedges in Daventry. They may not be as disgusting as the Bogeys, who put maggots in their shoes and eat rancid porridge, but they have plenty of problems of their own...

Fungus the Bogeyman tells us how to make a mask of his face...

1 Right, you silly Drycleaners. This is oozy peasy. First, don't wash yer 'ands. Or any of yer body. If your nose is runnin', just stick out yer tongue and lick it. You don't want it dribbling on to the paper. That'd be a waste of good snot.

2 Take a sharp pair of scissors - the sort you'd use to snip up worms and beetles to put in a sloppy stew - and cut around my slimy green face, taking care to cut out the eyes too. Aren't I gorgeous? No wonder I'm always drooling.

3 Get some elastic that fits around your weird-shaped human head and thread it through the holes by my ears. Whatever you do, don't use adhesive to stick this to your own face. Unless you've started to like gloop as much as I do. Wear my mucussy-mug mask to your fart's content.

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Publication:Sunday Mirror (London, England)
Date:Dec 27, 2015
Words:400
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