A Wright idiot is the one in Dyer straits.
Byline: POLLY HUDSON
IT'S always important to objectively consider both sides in a dispute - and then be on Danny Dyer's.
With all due impartiality, anyone who's Team Wright is wrong. End of.
That was obvious before even hearing what had happened - in much the same way that you don't need full details before deciding whether to root for good or evil.
But actually, the details here aren't exactly mindchanging. In a modern tale of celebrity feuding, Danny Dyer and Mark Wright have been trading barbs on Twitter after some kind of issue at a charity football match.
There was then an altercation between Danny and some of Mark's friends backstage at V Festival, but it was a totally fair fight... well, as long as it's Mark doing the maths, so five is equal to one.
It also took place in front of Danny's daughter, which really shows the measure of the so-called men. Danny insisted he still went on to have "a proper night" although his fiancee admitted: "I've waited nine months to see Justin Bieber and this has ruined it."
Danny Dyer is incredibly selfaware - he knows exactly who he is, and the joke is always with, rather than on, him. He's down-to-earth, despite having been famous for two decades. He's currently in the biggest soap in the country, which most people watch. Mark Wright is currently in a yoghurt advert, which most people fast forward.
Only one of these men should have an ego and be throwing his weight around. But instead it's the other who has the ego, and is throwing his mates' weight around.
Danny Dyer is schooling Mark Wright here, not just on bullying, but also on how to be a star. And as usual, Mark Wright isn't listening. He's always been ungrateful. He wanted to be famous for years, desperately riding the coattails of Jade Goody's bloke Jack Tweed and flogging two-minute relationships with little-known glamour models.
Then finally, against all odds, his dream came true - courtesy of TOWIE, where the only requirement was that he be himself, something he was capable of doing fairly well most of the time.
Rather than thinking, "Brilliant! I'm where I've always wanted to be! I can't believe my luck!"
Mark churlishly quit, believing he - with all his talent - could do better. The TV programmes he made next were axed or never even aired. He's now a local radio DJ.
If it wasn't for Michelle Keegan - who could do so much better, needless to say - Mark Wright would have disappeared by this point... if he couldn't beg his way back into TOWIE that is.
But when two celebs get married, their fame doubles, so unfortunately he's still around, just about.
This kind of mess proves why he shouldn't be. He has no class, no charm, no showbiz pizazz. He's just hairspray, teeth whitener and tight trousers. How dare he.
Team Dyer 'til I die.
Danny is in the biggest soap on the planet while Mark is in a yoghurt ad, which most people fast forward