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A DATE WITH DEATH.

Byline: PAUL ROUTLEDGE

The Government says it knows when I'm going to die. Using regional mortality tables from the Office for National Statistics, Pensions Minister Steve Webb calculates that I'll live to the age of 83 because I reside in Yorkshire.

Or I would have, if I'd turned 65 in 2011 instead of in 2008. And if I'd stayed in London, I'd have made it to 84. But as things stand, the national average lifespan for men is 79. Are you following me? Me neither, and I'm the one doing the sums. But I do know that if I'd stayed in London, I would have lived 10 years fewer. The manic pace of life is lethal.

Half-wit Webb suggested that oldies might spend their pension pots on a Lamborghini when constraints are lifted next year. But since only 15% of people believe that ministers tell the truth all or most of the time, his latest bid to frighten old folk will fall on deaf ears.
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Title Annotation:Features; Opinion Column
Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:Apr 18, 2014
Words:165
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