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Byline: By Bob Shields

OOPS, she's done it again! Britney Spears has been spotted looking like a hangover with legs.

The Americans call it 'trailer trash' style. It's inspired a whole sub-culture of websites and jokes about mobile-home dwellers in American trailer parks.

Her latest look features a love bite on the neck - the kind of thing that would have had your mum in a rage and you reaching for a polo-neck jumper ... unless you are trash, that is.

Here's our cheeky guide on 20 tell-tale signs that you are getting Britney's trashy look.

And 10 American jokes about their trailer-trash folks.

1 You have a love bite on your neck. It's blue and turning yellow - and it's where everyone can see it. But it can't be in the same place as last week's love bite.

2You get married in Las Vegas - but are too drunk to remember. And 55 hours later you are single again. Then tell all your friends, and as many newspapers as you can, that it was only a joke.

3You munch burgers anywhere and everywhere. And you can't be bothered hiding the spots all that grease gives you.

4 If you haven't got a burger handy, you pop a cigarette in your mouth and wander about with it dangling from your lips.

5You develop cellulite and a podgy belly as a result of all those burgers and cigarettes. But you still sport a skimpy bikini on the beach.

6You waltz about in an attractive pair of oversized, mirrored sunglasses and Bet Lynch-style dangly earrings, just in case anyone hadn't noticed you.

7Your man wears a white vest - a la Rab C. Nesbit. Very classy.

8You then wear a T-shirt saying 'Mrs Federline'. As if anyone would want to steal Kevin away from you anyway.

9Or if you're not with him, you can tease the boys with classy slogan T-shirts sporting messages like 'I am a virgin' and 'This is an old T-shirt'. Granny would be proud.

10You must wear low-cut denim shorts - all day and every day.

11 Or if the shorts finally walk to the washing basket, pick up a hippy-style skirt. Just make sure you wear it low enough to show off your G-string.

12 When you are choosing a new edition to your wardrobe, you don't bother with the changing rooms. The shop floor is good enough for you, despite preying eyes and camera lenses.

13 You don't go sunbathing in the privacy of your exclusive hotel. Instead you lounge about with members of the public, then complain about photographers not giving you a moment's peace.

14 You wear your hair tied up in an 'attractive' scrunchy with your dark roots exposed. You haven't bothered about what the rest of you looks like. Why should your hair get special treatment?

15 Your idea of a great night-out is a bowling alley at an out-of-town retail park where, as well as bowling and munching burgers, you have a real treat - playing on one of those dance mats.

16 You wait outside the maternity ward while your fiance visits his new-born son and the baby's mum - his ex-girlfriend, whom he dumped for you while she was expecting.

17 You buy your fiance's ex flowers that look like they've been sitting on a garage forecourt for weeks. And don't bother putting on shoes while you pick them.

18 Instead of sealing your engagement with a romantic kiss, you and your man go for matching tattoos.

19 The less than classy Christina Aguilera says your engagement ring looks like it came from shopping channel QVC - and she brands you trailer trash.

20 Your 13-year-old sister has more class than you.
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Sep 1, 2004
Previous Article:SACKED FOR DRINK FROM AN INMATE; Prison officer 'took bribe'.
Next Article:Funny side of being a real waster; ACCORDING to the Americans, you know your are trailer trash if ...

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