15 ways to end friend fights foreever: Feelings are hurt, tempers are flaring...Now what? Put down your dukes and get familiar with these no-fail friend-fight fixer-uppers.
Y only physical confrontation with a bud lasted roughly one minute. But I've spent hours thinking about it because that brawl was the dumbest thing I've ever been involved in. Some boy liked both me and my now ex-BFF Meanie Jeanole. That simple conflict stirred up every ounce of frustration and jealousy we'd ever silently barbored for each other. Instead of dealing with our feelings we let them smolder while we got hotter. When Meanie Jeannie reached her boiling point, she ran up behind me and wached her windbreaker--hard--on my bare haltered back the zipper thumping my head so sharply that I almost feel down and cired. But because I was already so spitting mad at her, I sprung at her like a crazed preteen Xena, determined to bash in her face.
When it was over, I got up off the ground, bruised with hite marks on both arms, My right eyeball felt life it'd been scooped out with a spon. Meanie Jeannie was even worse oil I had bloodied her nose and bruised her cheek. What can I say? I have a big brother--I came out swining. While there's nothing quite like a WWF SmackDown body-slam on a cherished chum, let's be clear that this article ins't about how to put your best bud in a stranglehold
This is a tried-and-true list of suggestions on how to mend the misunderstanding dis-agreements and differences of opinion that happened between even the best of buds. Arguments, hurt feelings, silent treatments and barsh words are exactly what at friend fights are made of--and that stinks! But the thing about a fight is, when it's over, your whole world feels happy and peaceful. Lots of times, the friendship is stronger because the fight clears up underlying emotional stuff that might have fueled the fight in first place. When your'e done reading this, you'll know how to get to that friendly feel good place before, like me and Meanie Jeannie, it gets to the fight stage.
SHE'S MAD AT YOU...
1 SAY YOU'RE SORRY: When a friend lets you know she's upset about something you've said or done (or she thought you said or did), it's up to you to clear the air. Even if it's a misunderstanding - wait, especially if it's a misunderstanding - you've gotta step up to the apology plate. Admitting you're wrong isn't easy, but if you do a hat dance around her now sensitive feelings, the drama will just grow. To deliver a sincere apology, look your friend in the eye and tell her. "I am so sorry." Now hug, cry, do what you do, then go eat something atery-clogging and talk about not-so-serious, stuff, like celebs and makeup: You've had enough serious discussion for one afternoon.
2 WRITE THE WRONG: Heart-to-heart talks stink like dog doo. That's not the popular opinion - especially if you tune in to the 7th Haven or any of those hokey movies on TV's Lifetime network for women -- but it's a realistic truth for plenty of people. Too many emotionally charged chats are just nerve - annihilating yuvky, muscfests of overly sensitive feelings. You have to tell her why you wish you could turn the Erch a Sketch of your wrongdoing event upside down. But since you can't send a letter to get it through her noggin how great she is, how much you cherrish her, how you are - from now until you're both grannies - going to be sensitive to whatever it is she's upset about. Put it on pretty stationery, and snail mail in with cutsie stickers and a pool stump. She should call the minute she reads it.
3 PICTURE FORGIVENESS: Sometimes a thousand words aren't worth jack. Or maybe you're not a word person, which means saying or writing an apology would be like hiking up Banana Reel Mountain in six inch stilcttols. Non-word people are usually either visual-artsy or have a thing for math. And since calculating a serious algebra equation isn't all that heart-warming (unless you're watching Good Will Hunting), this is for the art lovingal. Draw paint, sketch a picture that screamer. "You're awesome and I'm such a Party McBee for more seeing the hurtfulness of what I did" Mount the picture or a piece of poster board and at the top center expertly write her name in oversized block letters, Deliver it to her with a smile. If your masterpiece doesn't muster peace, it's back to the drawing board, Lady Picasso. Read on
4 BUY AN APOLOGY: For some girls, gifts are the way to go. It may sound totally materialistic but hey she's your friend and, some bud can be bribed as we all know! If it takes a little sweet nothing to get her to stop scrunching her face at you as you pass in the halls, then get to it. What won't work? Easy to-get-gifts like a "nice" candle or frame. Sorry What will work? A framed picture of the two of you in better times. Or a candle you made just for her at one of those fun craft-making stores. All other gift ideals are subject to details only you know about your friend. The more personal, the better: Wrap your package in homemade wrapping paper (sponge-paint some plain, white paper), and present it ti her in private With any luck she'll be unable to fight back those fears of joy
5 GIVE IN: That's right. Swallow your pride, and let it slide - even though you absolutely, posilutely know for sure that you did so pay her brick the five bucks you borrowed from her. She's peeved, and you're left wondering if she's having a brain lapse or something. So why should you say "sorry" and shower her with gifts, darn it" Well, let's put this in perspective, shall we Look is it really worth losing a friend over a five-spot: Offer up a hard-to-resist compromise" "I'll tell you what let's searf down five dollars worth of Baskin Robbins, my treat, and call it even Steven." If she insists on having it her way cough up the $5 and consider it an investment in the freidnship. Even if she is having a brain lapse she's your bud and was nice enough to float you the moolah to begin with. Oh, and next time you pay her back on a loan ask for a receipt Nicely.
YOU'RE MAD AT HER...
6 LET YOUR FINGERS DO THE WALKING. All right, you're upset, Maybe you're furning. Maybe you'd like to brand your friend's hair in an industrial blender. That's fine. Let yourself be But be mad in a pair of running shoes while you jog a mile. Be mad at your pillow while you pulyerize those teeny inner. Cruellar on your friend because that can create mutual madness which would really blow things beyond proportion. The heat of your feelings: will cool down and, when you're done seeing red, simply call Miss Knuckle head and tell her what's up: Did you know you really bummed me out the other day when you blurted my business in front of everyone? Can you promise not to do it again? Great, thinks Enough said.
7 FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE: If it's a little more complicated than that, and forgiving her becomes a chore on your to do list first decide if a fixer is really the best way to stop up the steam coming out of your ears. Question Was this a premedirated Ice Queen move or was she totally unaware she'd driven a stake through your heart? Was this the first time your friend did whatever she did to make you mad, or does she do this to you all the time: For a repeat offender see Fight Fixer No 10: If your friend's offense was a first-time flub, why not chalk it up to a she's - only - human mistake and forget about it? Turning the other check on her out-of-character moment is mega nature and will help you "walk away" mentally, which miraculously squalishes the drama you're feeling emotionally. In other words, don't do darn things. If only finals were this easy.
8 ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE: Depending on what's gone down, a formal apology may be the only way your friend can atone for her sins. If you need a sincere "I'm sorry" to get over her infraction that's OK. But you might have to ask for it. She can't read your mind and changes are she feels bad about the fight too. Hey maybe she's reaching Friend Fight Fixers through 5 right now trying to map out her apology strategy. Make it easy for her. Send an e-mail explaining that you just needed to know it won't happen against so it's she were to apologize and mad make a propreties that'd he enough for you.
9 PICK A PUNISHMENT: The word punish might bring to mind images of six consecutive weekend grounded with no TV. IM or sleepovers because you accidentally borrowed your dad's drill to crack walnuts on the antique dinning room table because jeez: sometimes a girl fancies snacking on walnuts. Banish that thought Seriously though pick a dare for your bud to prove she's sorry. Put every condiment in the fridge on a pickle and tell her to eat it. Have her walk up t the hottest guy at the pool, and tell him she's the neighborhood cannonball champ. Think of something just painful enough to be funny but not hurtful. When she's done pinkle swear to be note careful with each others feelings. Then go out for nachoe-topped with every con? At the fixins bar. Maybe not.
10 SIGN A CONTACT: Say you tried a Fight Fixer but despite your best efforts: you're still not over it. We'll call this "right residue," which is just mistrust wearing an everythings OK now mask. There's a China-sized crack of doubt that she might let you down again or maybe she's a tiny bit worried you're Luckily you can swat away these emotional mosquitoes with a contract. On a piece of white paper use black pen to write a list of ways you promise to be good to each other. Then carefully tear the perimerer so all sides are rough-edged. Scranch the paper into a ball unscranch it and dip it in room temperature tea until it's an old looking yellow color Gently lay it out flat in the sun and when it's dry, you'll have an official homemade. Bill of Friendship Rights Suggestion. Make two so you don't fight over who gets to keep it.
11 BREAK THE ICE. Silence is a super common side effect of a fight. You both think us up to the other person to admit she's obviously lost her mind. So why should you be the one to inimate truce. Because you can keep feeling angry and burt, or you can decide you'd rather have fun and feel happy. God let's see. E-mail her call, write a note-just make it clear that doing nothing will get nowhere. Do what you have to in order to get this bail rolling if she doesn't respond see bellow.
12 WAIT FOR HER. What do you do if you're so completely over this rift between you two yet, she still won't cave; it's tempting to want to bail from the friendship and let her wallow in her stubborn anger. But that's the easy way out if you think you've done your share in trying to mend the situation you're probably right. But you can't force her into anything. So, you'll wait. Try not to bold it against her if she needs more time than you to cool off. She'll come around and when she does then you use one of the following Friend Fight Fixers to bury the batchet.
13 CONTEST THE OUTCOME. Who's going to juzz this big bairy attitude brawill; You are she is Oh! want hell her it's time to deal, and ask her to come to your house in cruddy clothes. Saturday affternoon, Pre-date, birst open your piggy bank and buy two dozen eggs and two candy bars. When she arrives, give her a dozen eggs and yourself a dozen and have an egg toss in the "" yard. 'Win' by operating and throwing the egg right at her T-shirt or jeans, If she looks at you like you've cracked, 'egg' her on to your head. If you're both nor covered in egg and laughing within a few minutes, you blew this assignment. The candy bars are for you guys to eat afterward as you glow in renewed friendship, and yolk.
14 EXORCISE WITH EXERCISE
This Fixer is about working it out by working out. You're both going to sweat it out side by side until you decide together when enough is enough. A little healthy competition will replace the spat you're having our who did what and whos fight and all that other pop-pycock. Race around the school track, do pull-ups, push-ups, sit-ups, counting around, until one of you drops. When you're sweaty fatigued sick of it all say, "I'm sick of it all especially being in a fight with you" Ten bucks says she'll share her Gatorade in agreement.
15 PUT UP YOUR DUKES.
Yes, fighting is bad, fighting is immature, fighting is painful. But that doesn't mean it isn't a good option. But let's get this straight. Sure you're going to fight, but you're not going to punch bite pull hair, scratch, slap faces, whack windbreakers on each others bare backs of do any thing associated with cheesy car fights. Instead you're going to have a pillow fight, screaming. "This is for when you mined my new blouse" or "I hate it when you flint with my boyfriend" with each swing. Get out those aggressions, girl. It a pillow fight doesn't work for you maybe get two boys involved and have a chicken fight on their shoulders in a pool. The point is to fight to end the fight, without ugly bite marks on you arms of an eyeball that feels like it's been scooped out with a spoon Touche.
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|Date:||Jun 1, 2002|
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