Printer Friendly

15 things you couldn't give any less of a crap about: my favorite ditch in the whole world.

1. THIS DITCH IS JUST OUTSIDE of San Marcos, Texas. San Marcos has a spring-fed fiver that runs through it that is inhabited by nutria. Nutria are a semi-aquatic rodent native to South America which was first introduced to the United States to enhance the fur trade, and arrived in Dorchester, Maryland in 1943.

2. THERE IS A FACTORY next to the ditch called C-Fan, so some people call it C-Fan ditch. Back in the day the factory was called C-Tech, so all the OG's call it C-Tech ditch. I personally call it Shred Town USA.

3. BACK IN THE '90s learned how to do 360 flips to fakie at this ditch. They were really sloppy and low and not much to write home about. I can still do them but nowadays they look about twice as bad.

4. I USED TO HAVE an old 1987 Chevy Cavalier and one day I drove it to the edge of the ditch and rolled in off the hood. I was all by myself though so all my friends assume I'm lying about that.

5. ANOTHER TIME IN THE '90s when I was in "hip hop mode" I was skating this ditch with some baggy cargo pants, a tank top, and a sweatband. When I saw a car pull up I took off the headband because I was embarrassed. I left the tank top on though ...

6. ONE TIME I WAS SKATING this ditch by myself and my skateboard hit me really hard in the testicles and I fell down and rolled to the bottom of the ditch. While I was laying there I realized I was out in the country all by myself hanging out in a drainage ditch and that if I was seriously hurt, most likely nobody would find me for a few days. When my nuts felt better I kept skating.

7. THERE ARE WHEEL-SIZED drainage holes near the bottom of the ditch and if you do a trick and then roll over one and don't eat crap then everybody who is watching always goes, "Oooooohhhhhhhhhhh."

8. MY DAD USED TO DRIVE ME and my friends to this ditch when I was a kid. When I have kids I plan on driving them to this ditch too. Or just sticking them in daycare so they don't interfere with my drinking.

9. ONE TIME SOMEBODY spray-painted "Don't Graffiti This Ditch" in the ditch, and well ... that's just so fucking stupid I can't even write about it.

10. BACK WHEN I WAS CONCERNED with keeping my street skills in cheek, I used to make sure I kickflipped down the small bank in the ditch at least once per session. Which is about the equivalent of kickflipping down three or four stairs. In retrospect, maybe I never even had any "street skills."

11. ONE TIME I FELL hard at this ditch and was convinced that I had torn some of those important things that hold your knee together. Three beers later I was convinced that three more beers would fix the problem.

12. IN THE LAST COUPLE of months there have been some major improvements made to this ditch. I wish I could say that I had something to do with those improvements, but the only thing I've ever done to make this ditch better was cleaning some of the concrete off with my cheek.

13. THERE'S ANOTHER PART of this ditch on the other side of the road that isn't nearly as good as this side. And it's also right next to the highway so it would probably be harder to hide your beer from the Department of Public Safety.

14. ONCE MY FRIENDS AND I went to skate this ditch and while we were there about three other car loads of dudes from Austin showed up to skate and then out of nowhere another two carloads of dudes from San Antonio showed up to skate too. In my mind I shredded the hardest that day but that's because I have low self-esteem so I make shit up in my mind all the time.

15. ONE TIME I WAS DRIVING to this ditch and I saw a dude whose car had broken down and I stopped and asked if he needed help (we do that kind of shit in Texas) and the guy asked me if I'd give him a ride up the road to his workplace and I said yes and I gave him a ride and it turned out that he was a guard at the local juvenile detention center. If you're still reading this then you should probably get a drug habit. It's not like you're doing anything worthwhile with your life anyways.
COPYRIGHT 2005 High Speed Productions, Inc
No portion of this article can be reproduced without the express written permission from the copyright holder.
Copyright 2005, Gale Group. All rights reserved. Gale Group is a Thomson Corporation Company.

Article Details
Printer friendly Cite/link Email Feedback
Author:Sieben, Michael
Date:Oct 1, 2005
Previous Article:Your rip.
Next Article:Lowcard, #9.

Related Articles
15 things you couldn't give any less of a crap about: the ditch down the street from my house.
15 things you couldn't give any less of a crap about: the ditch down the street from my new house.
A serious article about the Banana Farm.
Sixty-six reasons to hit the road.

Terms of use | Privacy policy | Copyright © 2020 Farlex, Inc. | Feedback | For webmasters