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'Try role play or a game' The ultimate Q&A sex guide.

What SHE's thinking...


Q MELANIE: In the beginning my husband couldn't last more than five minutes during sex. I thought after we'd been married a while this would change but it definitely hasn't. How can I help him last longer?

DR PAM SAYS: Recognise this won't change overnight and don't tell him that he is being too quick. Say you'd like to take things slower, be playful and tell him exactly what you'd like. Most men like being given detailed instructions. Take his hand and show him the sort of pressures and caresses you want.

STEAMY SEX TIP: Get him to last longer by changing positions as this will slow him down.

Q KELLY: I am confused by information in women's magazines about female orgasm. Are there really two types (clitoral and vaginal) or is it all just the same thing?

DR PAM SAYS: It is very rare that a woman can orgasm without clitoral stimulation of some kind. There are a few highly orgasmic women who can orgasm through stimulation of their breasts, buttocks and vagina alone, but for most women it is the clitoris. As the vagina contracts during orgasm many women identify these sensations as their orgasm.

STEAMY SEX TIP: Tell him about the V for Victory technique which involves him placing his index and third fingers either side of your clitoris, pointing downwards. He holds this finger position and then gently and sensually moves his fingers a tiny bit up and down repetitively. This is guaranteed to arouse any woman.

Q MAGGIE: My husband's penis is too long and this means sex is painful for me. Are there any positions we could try to make it more comfortable and enjoyable?

DR PAM SAYS: The best tried-and-tested position is you on top with him lying quite still. many Wiggle up so that your pubic bone is higher than his pubic bone and ask him to use gentle thrusts and circular motions so he will only penetrate you halfway.

Another good option is the spoons position. Both of you lie on your side with him behind facing you. This is a gentle and loving position. You open your legs to allow penetration from behind - and you don't have to open them fully so that prevents full penetration.

STEAMY SEX TIP: If you try the spoon position, reach back between your legs so that you can caress his testicles while he thrusts.

Q LINDA: My husband complains that he can't feel me during sex. Is there anything I can do to make my vagina a bit tighter?

DR PAM SAYS: It's very common for women to lose the elasticity in their vagina, through age, childbirth, surgery or muscle wastage due to lack of use.

You can certainly improve the situation with pelvic floor exercises and you will see an improvement within a month or so. If you find this helpful, move on to a vaginal "egg" of lovebeads or vaginal weights, available from good sex shops, which you clasp inside you.

STEAMY SEX TIP: Many people find good old-fashioned doggy style helps. Point your pelvis and hips upwards when you are on your hands and knees as this naturally tightens these muscles.

Q SARAH: I'm 30 and have never had an orgasm during any kind of sex or foreplay with a partner. I'm only able to get an orgasm when I masturbate in a specific way - on my stomach with a pillow. I've been faking orgasms with my fianc for four years now and I can't ever tell him the truth. It would break his heart. How do I handle this?

DR PAM SAYS: It's time to stop faking and it is crucial in a committed relationship you can bring up bedroom issues like this. If you can't face total honesty then say something like you've "been a bit stressed lately and are finding it difficult to get aroused so can you try a new form of stimulation?" Then guide him to recreating the stimulation you get through masturbation.

STEAMY SEX TIP: You can make guiding him part of a fantasy role play where you pretend to be the patient and he's the doctor and you guide him in his examination. Take it slowly and hopefully you can recreate those sensations with him.

Q SALLY: I seem to produce a lot of saliva when I try and give my fianc oral sex. Can you give me any clues on how I can improve my technique?

DR PAM SAYS: Giving a man good oral sex can take practice. One trick is to imagine you are gently sucking a long piece of spaghetti into your mouth. This is the action you want to imitate.

But be careful about sucking the head o the penis for too long as it ca become painful. Keep asking him for hi of n is guidance. STEAMY SEX TIP: A unique sensation for him particularly if he likes a gentle touch, is for you to try humming. You may not have a singing voice bu you can definitely give him some thrills by humming while you're giving him oral sex.

Q STEPHEN: Is it normal to love your partner and enjoy having sex with her but still desire other women and want to have sex with them?

DR PAM SAYS: It's normal to notice and feel attracted to other women. It's part of human nature. Some people may be tempted to cross the line but it should be case of "look but don't touch." Don't put yourself in the path of temptation if this is on your mind frequently.

STEAMY SEX TIP: Use these feelings and desire to liven things up with your wife. Take her away and try the "strangers in the night" fantasy where you pretend you have only just met and end up having sex.

Q KEITH: I've got a complete complex about the size of my penis as it is only 10cm long when it is erect. I would die if I was laughed at. How do I gain confidence?

DR PAM SAYS: I've always believed that size doesn't matter because some well-endowed men have absolutely no sexual technique or finesse in bed.

This means the man who is less endowed can become the king of foreplay and make up for any lack of size (real or imagined because some men are perfectly adequate but think they aren't) by ensuring he gives his partner loads of pleasure.

STEAMY SEX TIP: Have a candlelit bath ready to pamper her when she gets home. Then slip in beside her. It's the little things that boost libido.

Q ANDREW: Will Viagra give me more powerful sex?

DR PAM SAYS: Some men with a normal sex drive report that Viagra gives them a more intense experience. However, why risk the sideeffects if you have a normal sex drive? Viagra is a drug meant for those with erectile problems and not intended for recreational use.

STEAMY SEX TIP: Something guaranteed to give you a more powerful sex-perience is to put a blindfold on and try to guess what she's touching you with. Is it her tongue, lips or fingers?

Q MICHAEL: What is a unique position that is guaranteed to bring a woman to orgasm?

DR PAM SAYS: The best position for the majority of women to climax is the CAT - the coital alignment technique.

This is where she's on top of you in a reverse missionary position with her legs inside your legs. She then eases upwards a centimetre or two so her clitoral region touches your pubic bone. This creates more tension between your pubic bones and also with your penis and her vagina.

Most women will climax fairly freely in this position if they are free to "grind" against his pubic bone. What is crucial is she has absolute freedom to do what is right for her.

STEAMY SEX TIP: While she's in this position reach around her hips with your fingertips and gently caress her perineum. This can give her even more powerful orgasms particularly if you use a rhythmic caressing action.

Q JAMIE: How can I get her to enjoy porn with me?

DR PAM SAYS: Some women clearly aren't interested in porn - they may believe it's offensive, feel threatened by the overly-enhanced women in porn, or simply don't find it a turn-on.

It's crucial to get to the bottom of why she's not interested. It might be she's inhibited or worried you might think she is too kinky.

Always begin these conversations in a neutral environment and let her know you are completely open-minded about what her honest feelings are.

If she is curious it is a good idea for her to choose a female-friendly film to start with. There are various companies that produce couple-friendly porn like the films by Anna Spam.

STEAMY SEX TIP: If she agrees to watch porn with you don't forget where your attention should lie - on her. There's a definite etiquette to watching porn with a partner so don't get so glued to the film action you forget to hold and caress her. Check if your partner wants you to pleasure her while she's watching the film - many women find it exciting that although there is a porn film playing, their partner isn't glued to the screen but paying attention to their needs.

SEX in numbers

15per cent admit they get turned on by spanking

13per cent say that hearing "I love you" put them in the mood 40per cent of women at any time lack sexual desire

10per cent of men at any time can't get aroused, increasing to 40 per cent for men over 35

4 out of 10 say massage gets them highly aroused

50per cent of all couples have mismatched sex drives

2 to 3 minutes is the average a man lasts in full penetrative sex

8 per cent say they like dressing in uniform

Steamy Sex: The Sex Doctor's Answers To Keeping It Hot is published in paperback by JR Books on Thursday for pounds 8.99.

Order your copy and save pounds 1.99!

'TO order Steamy Sex (9781907532245) for pounds 7 including p&p, telephone 01903 828503 and quote offer code JR026. Or send a cheque made payable to : Littlehampton Book Services Mail Order Department, Littlehampton Book Services, PO Box 4264, Worthing, West Sussex BN13 3RB. Please quote the offer code JR026 and include your name and address details. Offer UK ONLY - please add pounds 2.50 if ordering from overseas.'This book contains explicit material not suitable for under 18s

Women have twice as many nerve endings in their skin as men, making it super sensitive with

Feed each other toast dripping with honey or jam which can be dribbled down your bodies and slowly lapped up. Or why not feed each other fresh strawberries and melon... oops, a slice dropped between her thighs and you have to find it...

I Surprise him by meeting him for lunch and go commando (not wearing any knickers)

What HE's thinking...

MEN'S QUESTIONS Q Viagra more sex?

Alfresco sex is often "quickie" sex. Because of the risk of getting caught (the risk is half the turn-on for many couples) you should both be as worked up as possible before you actually go and have sex somewhere secluded. Take along a cushion to pad any tender body parts and bring suntan cream for any under-exposed body area - like your bottom
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Publication:Sunday Mirror (London, England)
Date:Nov 28, 2010
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