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'Love' is blind: what to do when a good bud has her eye on the wrong guy. (Friends).

Your friend has fallen hard. She's walking around with a dreamy gaze and a half-smile glued to her face. You'd be totally psyched for her if it weren't for one prob: Her crush is all wrong for her. Maybe he doesn't treat her right.. .he's somebody else's BF. . .or, like Paolo in The Lizzie McGuire Movie, he's totally using your friend so he can become an international popstar. But your bud can't seem to resist this guy. And she's just asked you what you think. Gulp. Ya gotta tell her!

Bite that tongue. OK, before you unleash unfiltered thoughts on your friend--stop! First, make sure your intentions are really about protecting your bud from a bad-news crush, and not about something else. Be certain you're not creating reasons to disapprove. Are you secretly crushing on him, or are you jealous because she's so ga-ga over a guy?

Nope, she's in over her head. You're genuinely concerned about your girl. She's, say, dating a dude who's a notorious player and betrayer, and you've got to level with her. Choose your words very carefully because your bud, in her hotfor-him haze, won't be able to handle a flat-out critique of her crush. In fact, declaring him unworthy could leave her ticked off at you for dissing her dream dude. So take a sec and first channel your feelings to your journal, a friend who doesn't know her, even your pet fish.

Tell her like it is. Once you've sorted out your thoughts, be prepared with a softened, edited version to lay on your pal. Just use tact, and be sensitive of her feelings. Then, let her respond. Maybe she'll agree. Maybe she'll tell you she's "handling it." You might even get a, "He's great for me; he's so sweet." What's important is that you use honesty to help your friend see through her love blinders.

Give it time. Even if your bud tells you to back off; your opinion has been implanted in her brain--and it just might take root. And it might not. So realize you've done all you can do. You've said your piece, and leave it at that. If, down the rocky road, she begins to question her crush choice, that little voice in her head-yours--should sound off. She's come out of the crush cloud? Great! Be there to offer her a shoulder. That's what friends are for, right?

RELATED ARTICLE: BFF DILEMMA OF THE MONTH My BFF is totally crushing on my big pro. Yuck! I feel like she only comes over to see him and not me. Help!

I'm getting really annoyed and don't know what to do about my bud crushing on my brother. I want to confront her, but how?

You have the right idea about confronting your BFF. If she's a true friend, you should be able to be honest and open about your feelings. Tell her the truth about how you feel, and let her know you don't want this to ruin your great friendship!

Caroline, 11

Crushes are natural, so don't embarrass her. Instead, distract her by planning one-on-one activities that don't involve your brother. Shop or go see a girly flick. Thin way, she won't he hanging out with you just to see your brother.

Hayley, 11

If your BFF really likes your brother, you can't necessarily do anything about it. Look on the bright side--if she and your big bro get married some day, she won't just he your BFF, she'll be your sister-in-law!

Brianna, 12

Nicely, explain your feelings to your BFF. Let her know how much this bothers you and how hurt you are. It is important to confront her by being honest and, f she values your friendship, she'll understand.

Samantha, 11

Talk to your BFF and tell her how you feel. If your brother is a lot older, tell her in a nice way that you are looking nut for her and that she should find a crush more her age. Hopefully, she'll thank you for being such a great friend!

Megan, 12


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Truth or dare, girl!

We double-dog dare you to try having a boring get-together with the gals when a Dare-Girl book is handy DareGirl ($8.95, Barron's) is packed with ideas to have your party with the pals pump in full swing! Figure out your Bff's true personally by examing her listick or her doodling. Still bored? Make fancy pants or fortune cookies. Well, don't dare be late sending an entry because we're giving away 25 books! Snail mail your name and address to DareGirl, GL, 4517 Harford Road, Baltimore, MD 21214 by Sept. 15. Go to for more info.
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Author:Silver, Michelle
Publication:Girls' Life
Geographic Code:1USA
Date:Aug 1, 2003
Previous Article:Dear Carol.
Next Article:Poison pal control center: how to part ways with friends who are bad for you. (Friends).

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