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'I SELF-HARMED, GOT DRUNK TOOK DRUGS AND EVEN ATTEMPTE SUICIDE'.

Byline: EMMA SISK Reporter emma.sisk@walesonline.co.uk

We all have our ups and downs, but for Keriann, every day is a struggle to control her emotions FFcDonnell struggled to cope with ROM an early age Keriann McDonnell struggled to cope with her emotions. She would often feel depressed and lash out at loved ones for little or no reason and frequently self-harmed.

pressed and lash out at loved ones for little or no reason She even attempted suicide.

For years she was diagnosed nosed with depression but later doctors told she her she had a personality disorder.

Keriann said: "When ed to get very down. I Keriann said: "When I was about 12 I started to get very down. I went to see a psychologist and a psychiatrist and I was put on medication chiatrist and I was put on medication when I was 13. I had quite a rough time with it for a few years."

" At 17, Keriann, known to her friends as Kez, was diagnosed" At 17, Keriann, known to her friends as Kez, was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Now 26, Keriann, from Splott in Cardiff, said: "After that it got progressively worse. "I started to selfharm and got drunk a lot. I also started taking drugs. I did attempt suicide but thankfully it didn't happen.

harm and got drunk a lot. I also started taking drugs. I did attempt suicide but thankfully it didn't "BPD affects me in different ways. If one tiny thing goes wrong I will lose my temper. It looks like I'm having a temper "BPD affects me in different ways. If one tiny thing goes wrong I will lose my temper. It looks like I'm having a temper tantrum but I'm not.

"Someone else would keep calm but I can't do that. In my head it's not just something "Someone else would keep calm but I can't do that. In my head it's not just something tiny."

" Keriann said her BPD has calmed down in the last two years but it still gets very bad now and" Keriann said her BPD has calmed down in the last two years but it still gets very bad now and again.

She said: "I've had to learn how to deal with it. It affects my family and friends if they are around it. It doesn't matter who I am around. The medication I'm on does calm me down compared to how I used to be."

Keriann, who was once." Keriann, who was once arrested because of an episode triggered by her condition, said the slightest things can cause her to lose control within seconds.

tion, said the slightest things can cause her to lose control She said: "Last year I was walking to my local shop and I ally embarrassed and I came She said: "Last year I was walking to my local shop and I tripped over the curb. I got really embarrassed and I came home crying and angry. I started feeling useless. To me it was the biggest problem in the world at that moment."

ed feeling useless. To me it was the biggest problem in the " She said every day is a constant battle with extreme mood swings.

"I can go from high to low to angry to sad. I experience so many emotions within the space of 24 hours. In an instant something can be so intense and so bad and ten minutes later I can be absolutely fine."

Kerianne said she also strug gles with paranoia.

She said: "A lot of people with BPD get paranoid people are looking at them.

"It happens to me when I am on the bus or walking down the street. I usually put my head down but it gets to the point where I don't go out because of it."

Keriann recalled another episode she had after she was graded lower in a college assessment than she expected. She said: "I went into my

room and I started throwing things around. I wanted to selfharm but I didn't."

Keriann recalled how she began to cut herself to release her anger when she was 12.

To cover her scars Keriann has had "sleeves" tattooed on her arms to disguise the marks left by years of self-mutilation.

She said: "At one point it was very bad. In those moments nothing else existed but as soon as I did it I would be filled with shame.

"I was left with scars all over my arms. I couldn't leave the house without wearing long sleeves because if someone saw my scars it would make me ashamed. The tattoos give me a bit more confidence."

Keriann said there is no explanation for her disorder but said it may have resulted from her childhood.

She said: "When I was small there was a bit of domestic vio lence going on and that had an impact.

"I was bullied in school and overall I wasn't really confi-dent. I'm not sure if those things contributed to it. It could be a number of things.

"Every day I wish I didn't have it. I hate having it.

"I have unfortunately found that many people don't understand BPD or even try too." To shed more light on the condition, Keriann has made a short film to raise awareness about her condition.

She said: "I wanted to lift the stigma as I think people can be scared of things they don't fully grasp."

The film reveals the chaotic nature of the disorder, which can cause severe mood swings, impulsive behaviour, and feelings of emptiness and despair.

FF pressed ones for RUGS her She ones for and She For nosed later later she had Ias as with Now Splott Now Splott " "would can't it's "would can't it's tiny."

has last two gets has last two gets again.

She learn affects friends It doesn't around. I'm on compared She learn affects friends It doesn't around. I'm on compared be."

Keriann, Keriann, arrested Keriann McDonnell from Cardiff, who suffers from borderline personality disorder, has made a film to raise awareness of the condition tion, said can cause said can cause within She said: walking to tripped over She said: walking to ally ed feeling the biggest home crying feeling the biggest world at " She said
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Wales On Sunday (Cardiff, Wales)
Date:Sep 7, 2014
Words:1052
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