'Fiscal fortunes' at Euro 2012.
PERSISTENCE - Yes, he's scored a million goals for Bayern Munich this season and some people, including, most importantly, Joachim Loew, actually rate him, but we just don't think he's any good. In the Champions League final he was a statue and against Portugal he simply didn't look like scoring. That is until he did...well done Mario.
ROY HODGSON - As proud luddites (we still prefer to use landlines rather than mobiles and are still unsure how to use a computer mouse...) we were glad to hear the In-Ger-Land boss admit ignorance when told that France players will be wearing ice-based 'Cryo Jackets' to cool down at half-time. What's wrong with simply eating oranges, we say?
WILD OPTIMISM - The words Helder and Postiga rarely inspire that much confidence. He's the Emile Heskey of Portuguese football: he's played club football for over 10 years and has barely scored 50 goals. However, he's sure he will get the goals to fire his team to the next round. Whatever you say, Helder...
'ABOUT TO DEFAULT'
PAULO BENTOS - No sooner had Germany gone one up on Saturday than Portugal changed tactics and looked far more dangerous. That begs the question why, when you have the attacking talents of Ronaldo and Nani, did blundering Bentos' team play with 11 men behind the ball for so long? Not only was it dull, it was clearly wrong.
WOLFGANG STARK - Refs always tend to be in a thankless position. However, even us cold-hearted lot feel for Stark. He's a German tasked with trying to adjudicate Tuesday's battle between Poland and Russia. There's some historical irony in there but rather than find out what it is we're just going to wish him luck...
FRANK LAMPARD - Sorry to labour this point, but football is supposed to be fun, entertainment to rival watching hopeless idiots sing covers of songs you don't like on Pop Idol. So we were left crying into our TV guide when we heard the injured In-Ger-Land man urge his team to "play like Chelsea". Yawn.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"There is a question mark with a 4-4-2 as to how we will retain possession." - Former boss Glenn Hoddle has the same worry as other England fans...
Euros Swapsies - Cristiano Ronaldo
WE spend as much time in front of the mirror as the next fashion conscious man. However, we draw the line at doing our hair during half-time of the crunch clash against Germany. But that's exactly what we reckon the Real Madrid man did. He started the game with a Gordon Gecko gelled back number and then emerged from the break with a futuristic quiff. Shocking...
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